HAPPY FRIDAYYYYY! I’VE GOT A BIG, FUN, WEIRD QUESTION FOR YOU!
When you think about whether or not you’d want to live in a place, what factors are the most important to you? 🤔
I’m working on our new Friday column interviewing strangers about the places they live & why (!!!), and I want to offer creative, interesting prompts that really get to the heart of what it feels like to be in a place. 🏡 🏔️ 🍷 🥨 👢 🎨
What kind of weird little things do you want to know about what it’s like to live in, say, Bergen, Norway??? What would be fascinating to read about that you can’t find in guidebooks? The kind of perspective that only people who live there can offer? The kind of stuff you get frustrated you can’t find more about online, that would help you decide if a place is really for you?
I’M SO EXCITED AND CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS.
Leave a comment & tell me your top “I wish I knew THIS.”
Don’t behave this weekend, you coffee-slugging animal!!!!!
I'll probably think of other things, but for me it is so critical to find out how late things stay open! And how early things open! Do the coffeeshops open at 6am or 10am? Do the restaurants close at 8pm or midnight? Do the bars close at all?
And if it's a city or a walkable town, how safe is the walking after dark? Do people actually walk home from places at 10pm, or is everyone fully at-home by then? Do streetlights even exist there?
Ugh yes to the "how late do things stay open?" thing. I'll never forget going to Geneva, Switzerland for the first time, and trying to get something to eat at 9pm. It was a ghost town! Maybe it was just the day, but I swear it was a Saturday night.
Even worse was that the supermarkets all shut at 6pm!!!!! I used to leave work early to get to the supermarket... and if you forget an ingredient, you were screwed 😱 🤣 who is that organised???!!!
Not just you, I had the same experience in Geneva. I stayed in Montreux for a few weeks, and even the casinos closed by 10pm. What was I doing in a casino in Switzerland? It was the only place open past 8pm!
No kidding! Okay, so it wasn't just the time of year!!! (And you'd be hard-pressed to find me in a casino, too, unless it was the only choice. 😂 ALAS!)
I've spent my whole life living in and around major metros, and traveled a lot over the years, but I am an outdoors person at heart. When I decided I wanted a new home base, I knew I needed amazing scenery, remote but not isolated, access to the outdoor activities I love most, and great people.
This is in addition to the basic necessities of life of course: ultra-high speed internet, good cell coverage, access to premium healthcare, delicious tap water, and a cornucopia of quality bakeries.
I decided I don't care if I have to drive an hour for the major conveniences that cities offer if the drive is breathtakingly beautiful, and there are zero traffic lights.
I don't care if I only have 3 options for mustard and avocados are only available on Mondays at the local teeny tiny market if it feels like I'm walking into a scene at Cheers because everybody knows my name, and are actually happy to see me.
I don't care that planning a trip to the post office actually takes planning, because the tradeoff is I can crack a beer and ride my tractor around the back of the property and tend my gardens in complete nekkedidity if I so desire (https://youtu.be/FC42gHDfm5k?t=21 --- well lookie here, not one but two 80's sitcom references!). Having lived an entire life of making sure I was modestly dressed before walking past a window in my own home, this is like discovering sunshine.
When I was deciding among places, I was thinking Utah (the people are amazing! but its so dang dry), or Montana (stunning and offers everything I love, but Montanans hate transplants, and frankly I don't blame them)... I wound up in the Catskills of NY. I'm surrounded by the pinnacle of the sport I love most (fly fishing), the scenery is gorgeous, the people are just the nicest, most thoughtful, friendly and relaxed ever.
NY does a fairly good job on environmental concerns. Yes the taxes are high, and it is an expensive place to live... but I literally had a bald eagle flying along side me the other day in a snowfall while on the way to the post office.
So I went around my ass to scratch my ear, but what I need to know is, do I feel happy every single day of my life? Because if you love where you live, its impossible to have a completely shitty day.
Christina, this entire response GAVE ME LIFE. You are so close to me!!!! Well, sort of. 😂 I want to explore the Catskills more—an old friend from high school who looooooves fly fishing goes out that way all the time (it's only about an hour and a half away). He said there are some really cute towns! And honestly, have been experiencing same deliciousness with country living at moment: the friendly people is what gets me. I would HANG OUT at the local hardware store because everyone's so great. (And there is only one shitty kind of avocado here, that is not the normal one I'm used to, and isn't easily mashable for my avo toast! LOL.)
Then it's settled. In the doggiest of dog days late this summer, I'm stealing you for a day of revelry.
We'll begin our day at our local dirty spoon who's house specialty is a surprisingly fab avocado toast (they've apparently cornered the market on the edible ones), served on their house-baked bread which is, again, surprisingly for the area, delightful.
Then it's an afternoon of fly fishing on the east coast's most premier trout fishery. I am the captain of my own fly fishing drift boat, so I shall row you down the river where you will positively feel like Cleopatra. We can sip champagne, snack on local delights like cheese curds and alpine sausages -- or I can whip up my famous summer prawn citrus salad, your choice, both are great in a boat -- and we'll cast our flies to persnickety trout who will give us the middle fin all day.
As we near our takeout, the skies will blush and become a psychedelic cotton candy technicolor wet dream. The water will be covered in a glossy silvery layer of fog that undulates around you, and even though I live here, I'll be photographing it like mad because its unbridled awesomeness.
With drift boat in tow — because thats how the cool kids roll in a fly fishing town — we can head to the local watering hole in Hancock, where grizzled fly fishing guides recap the highs and lows of the day while their clients keep buying rounds hoping their guides will get tipsy enough to spill a few more secrets.
Seriously. This is my Wednesday. And this is why I live here, and I fucking love my life. So, let me know when you'd like to be stolen and I'll start chilling the prawns and champagne.
- access to services (like a plumber, electrician, etc) ***not easy on islands
- where’s the best local bookstore
- are they dog-friendly with restaurants and activities?
- is there a Vet accepting new dogs?
- what are health services like for humans? (Ie can I get a family doc or how do I handle a doctors visit?)
- is there a great coffee shop… not good, I mean great with coffee that makes me want to sing show tunes at the ass crack of timeZones I’m navigating with clients
- is there an eyelash extensionist and manicurist worth going to?
- how close is the nearest airport and does it do international flights?
- what’s the access to mountains and water (ocean or lake that’s swimmable) like?
This is DEFINITELY my favorite part: "I mean great coffee that makes me want to sing show tunes at the ass crack of timezones I'm navigating with clients." BAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAA! Coffee shops keep coming up big in my survey. And you know what's weird? I hardly ever sit in them myself! WHY AM I MISSING THE COFFEE SHOP CHIP?????????
Fun Fact: I don’t even drink coffee. But I love the ambience of a sheesheefroufrou coffee hang with an overpriced danish and some pretension of luxury like a Buddhist monk with angel wings hand plucked my peppermint leaves for my hot water o’ green du jour.
My needs are very different than 80% of the comments lol, but than I have spent decades living in rural settings, slowing inching my way out of the heart of Denver to the prairie fields, to the mountains, to the far north of Alaska which apparently many Americans think you need a passport to visit to. Living rural you can't generally walk to the neighborhood grocery store (I can but I'm lucky and do avoid it when it's -40). What I look for is the neighborhood dog and horse friendly. That is my number one top priority. Will they look at me funny when I ride my horse wearing a gun (bear safety) or with a beer in the water bottle holder (never the gun and beer at the same time lol). Do I need to wear orange in hunting season so my horse is not mistaken as a moose? How far is the local coffee shop hang out for when I need a break from working from home? How far is the nearest grocery store? Gas Station? and do you have to live here for 3 years before anyone will speak to you because they can smell outsiders? What local community events are there? Will it take an act of congress to get a repair man of any kind? Are we on Island time here, meaning people show up when they show up and are in no hurry, like Costa Rica and Hawaii? Although many also think we're an island (thank you maps) we are not but here many are definitely on island time. Do I need to call to be sure you're open, because even tho you have set hours, you've decided to go hunting, fishing, snow machining for a week on a whim.
Okay, we all need to come do a retreat at YOUR house, Melanie!!!!! This whole comment - this whole thing made me so curious to know more about where you live, and to visit. This is exactly what I want this column to do!!!!!!!!!
I am dying picturing you with a beer on your horse pulling up to town. That's SO something that would happen where I bought the country house, except it would 10,000% be a four-wheeler. 😂
Did you find that the folks did give you a bit of a cold shoulder for a while before they warmed up to you????
Oh yes! Let's do a retreat here! I would love that, as I suspect we'd have a blast. I would be more than happy to share the love of this place with you and your readers. I fell in love with this place years ago and was drawn to it ever since till I picked up my entire life and a place I called home for over 20 years and moved. LOL, we have a four wheeler too. We call it the wine-mobile :) I've no doubt there are a lot of similarities to where we live. Oh yes, definitely got the cold shoulder. They can smell outsiders and it takes a while to let you in. They want to know you're for real, good people, not judgmental of their lifestyle (which can be very different from city people) and going to stay. Especially where I live. It's the far north and not everyone can cut it. People come and go, often not lasting a year. So what I did was I found a local event, which in our case was the Yukon Quest Sled Dog Race, and started volunteering in some manner. They collect food to make for the mushers that come thru on the race, so we donated a lot of food. I live in musher country so this made a huge difference in how we were seen in the community. Every time I went somewhere I made sure to address clerks by name, ask how they were no matter how they treated me. Little things made the difference. Now it's like I've always been here. Living rural is not always easy, just being there for your neighbors, even the rough and tuff ones, can really make a difference.
My BIGGIES for moving to a new place (which I am trying to do) are:
—Is this a community that fosters and prizes creatives, artists, makers, and craftspeople?
—Is there a co-op or access to kind-to-animals family farms?
—How do people socialize? Is it scheduled, structured, and pay-to-play, or are we shotgunning beer in our neighbor's barn? (I'm jonesing for the latter.)
—What are the schooling options for kids? Especially interested in alternative options that foster individuals. (We need thinkers and weirdos, not more finance bros.)
—Are there local, small businesses run by faces you know, or are we doomed to patronize big box retailers and restaurant chains?
—Are their houses for rent and sale with character and charm? (And how much do they cost?)
—What local classes can I take to increase my weirdness? (I really want to take a raunchy hip-hop class despite my lack of rhythm. But also, I'd paint a severed head. I'm open to possibilities.)
—What is this place KNOWN for? (My in-laws think South Dakota is known for STDs despite never having been there.)
—What kind of outdoor adventure opportunities are there? Talk landscape to me, baby. (If I eat a mushroom chocolate, what kind of plant will enter a conversation with me?)
—Does this place go all out for the holidays? Or are they renowned for a celebration of their own?
—What is the community vibe? Do we not know our neighbors, or can we depend on them to shoot 10-foot-tall aliens dead in the street, you know, if it comes to that? (JK, I like to believe they'll be friendly. Or sexy. Wouldn't that be great? YOU COULD HAVE AN ALIEN BABY, ASH. Dreams.)
—What professions are lauded in this community? (And does anyone have a sweater draped over their shoulders?)
—What is the everyday fashion scene like?
—What foods is this place known for?
—Is there an indie bookstore?
—This is boring, but I care about the political inclination of a place—are we being dicks to segments of the population, or are we a bit more libertarian? (Read: Leave me and my aging vagina alone.)
I LOVE YOU SO HARD FOR THIS LIST. This is a list of aging vagina wet dreams!!! (As you so aptly put it, hahahahaha. 💀 ) I literally wrote down *everything* you said in my notebook, because I am a notebook writer, and it's no wonder I'm having neck problems.
"Shotgunning beer in the neighbor's barn" is my favorite thing anyone's ever written.
WHERE ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT MOVING TO?!?!?!? CAN WE KNOW?!?!?!?!?!?
I forgot to mention gardening! How's the soil? Can we grow things? Can someone tell me how to grow things? Can we hire hot, sexy, alien (outer space, to be clear) gardeners? Do they provide seeds?
Happy to offer unhinged ideas, ANYTIME!
Your neck problem is THE PITS! Speaking of sexy, I have cubital tunnel syndrome in both arms, and I have to wear these plastic strap-ons at night. It makes the hubs very horny. Your neck woes made me wonder if you have a pinched nerve thang going on, too. Tingly fingers at night is a symptom of cubital.
UGH, ASH! I don't know where to move—that's my problem. Considering going back to the Midwest, but my in-laws are trying to convince us to stay in the area. They suggested PA. Do you need a neighbor to shotgun beer with? (I'm really bad at it, so you'll win and feel good about yourself.) If you know a place like I described, lemme know!
This one... Are there local, small businesses run by faces you know, or are we doomed to patronize big box retailers and restaurant chains? HELL YES TO THIS ONE... I am in the suburbs of Nashville and we literally have 17 chicken restaurant chains in our town... it's so gross... I WANT TO SUPPORT ALL THE SMALL BUSINESSES!
Nothing saddens me more than big-box American strip malls. 😢 I'm obsessed with this guy on Twitter who is designing more thoughtful communities. OBSESSED.
I've been exploring moving to other places for FOREVER. The two things that interest me the most are -
1. What it's truly like to live there as a non-local. It's one thing to comment on the culture and basics of living there, but when you're not from there the experience can be quite different.
2. I'm also interested in the downsides of living in a place. The surprises after moving there. The reaction that you couldn't have seen coming.
I've been looking at moving to Copenhagen and following so many Americans who have moved there. The most helpful information has been things you don't find in the top 10 lists anywhere. I want to know the nitty-gritty not-so-pretty bits about taking this huge leap so I can make a truly informed decision.
When I read these honest reactions I'm able to see if I identify with their struggle or if it doesn't apply to me based on my circumstances or personality.
Mostly I want honest feedback and not the shiny top 10 list of why to move to a certain city or country.
OOOOOO this is so good, Katie! "What it's truly like to live there as a non-local." SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!! That's a great distinction. And actually, it might be useful to keep the column limited to foreigners who have moved to X place, so we can get that helpful perspective in spades.
I haven't been to Copenhagen yet but you're nailing it on the head for what I'm hoping to accomplish here, both in the column and in the community. Whenever I'm researching a place, I want to know all of the downsides / surprises / weird little things, too! Especially culturally, and whether or not it'll be compatible.
Thank you SO much for your response. You might have just helped shape this column in a slightly different direction!!!
1. How inclined is the place to welcome new people into the local towns/communities? How hard is it to find and build new friendships for people not originally from there? And HOW do you meet people--especially if you want to live in a relatively rural area?
2. What are the best websites to find local houses/properties for sale/to rent?
3. Do they have any new agey/alternative peeps? Or is it all traditional agnostic or religious types?
4. Are there local yoga classes?
5. How open-minded is the culture? Do you have to work to fit in with the established culture, or do they welcome you as you are?
6. How do you find local handymen/handywomen/contractors if you want to do some renovation?
7. Is the culture progressive or conservative?
8. And, finally.... How long does it take to get an Amazon delivery? LOL, no but *really*, how long?
GAHHHH this list tho! So many I didn't have - especially around how to find local houses/properties for sale or rent. That's such a biggie. And the Amazon thing is cracking me up. LOL. It used to take 3 weeks+ to get something from Amazon to Costa Rica using the fastest method possible. (And most expensive, LOL.)
How close is the nearest Starbucks? I live in the country, and I’ll drive 30 minutes, passing other, mostly swill coffee shops, to get my Starbucks decaf mocha and plug in my computer.
Every place should have a walking path at a bare minimum! This is why I love England so much: you can walk the entire country, crossing over meadows and fields, and it's all public access. 😍
Umm... As long as you stick to the footpaths. 😁 And don't have a grumpy dickhead of a farmer who suddenly decides after 25 years he wants you to stick to said footpaths and otherwise GET OFF MY LAND!! But you're right it is definitely walking country. There are places where there is a right to roam freely. Wales and Scotland are good for this.
YES! The footpaths! That's what I meant—though I always wondered how that was all sorted out between government + private land owners. Like....is every farmer obligated to allow a footpath?! I must research this, just out of personal curiosity!
No not every farmer. I think most footpaths are historically routes that were used regularly in the past by commoners. They are generally managed by local councils and volunteers who love walking and work to hard to ensure they don't get closed. Styles and kissing gates give access through hedges and fences.
So, so cool. I hosted a retreat in Painswick once, in the Cotswolds, and we took walks all over the place and now I am spoiled and can never be happy anywhere else again. 😂
Hey ash! I lived in I think 5 different countries and 6 places so far, and what I now consider is : what is the environment like? For instance, now that I live in a city that's surrounded by alps, people are very sporty. They dress very differently, have different habits, invest their time and energy in a very different way than, let's say, people in Milan. And it changes not just the vibe but also the non spoken rules in the workplace for instance. Then, how diverse is the population, which is an indicator of how open the people I meet will be. I also consider climate, how easy it is to walk or ride a bike (I hate having to depend on a car for my day to day activity ). And what type of activities I can do in my free time, how much choice there is for me, my partner and the kids. How easy it is to access nature. Aaand do they have food that I like?? 😆 How easy is it to get fresh veggies and fruits?
THIS IS SO INSIGHTFUL, CLIO!!!!!! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes, omg yes to the cultural aspect of how people spend their time—and how it affects *everything.* Being here in rural America renovating this farmhouse, it's fascinating how people being very outdoorsy affects the vibe of every single place I go—you are so right! I def want to get to the heart of "how people invest their time" via my prompts for this column. Excellent, excellent insight—thank you!!!!
🤣 I never had the guts to try them, so I wouldn't know. But Lucky for me, it's not really part of the regional cuisine here. Lots of excellent red wine, cheese, and bread. That's good enough for me
I guess I would like to know what is polite to converse with your new neighbours about, when out in the street carting your bin to the curb. Or if conversation IS expected in this context.
Am I being weird if I just say hi and smile?
Or am I creepy if I strike up a conversation?
AND if it is expected to talk to new neighbours (Spoiler alert: which Norwegians do only if there is a fire or to alert about a burglary), I don't want to be conceived as a creepy weirdo by NOT talking if that is expected, I also don't want to be talking about stuff that one doesn't talk about with strangers in that country. Like: Is it polite to ask about family? Is it ok to ask what people do for a living, or is that classified as "run for your life, she's a stalker" trigger?
Yeah, I guess this would be at the top of my list.
Also: Where is the closest wine bar? And I'm with Alex on the "when do shops/winebars open/close"
And: Where are the markets and what day is market day? And how early should I be there in order to get a sourdough bread before they sell out? (I have learned this the hard way in France. The answer there is "earlier than you think". You're welcome.) And are there markets? (In Norway, the answer is no.)
Ah yes, and a final one. Can I use debit cards, or do I need cash for everything (or, heaven forbid, checks (checks are the monetary equivelant of dinosaurs in Norway)? Which kind of shops can I pay with debit card in. That kind of stuff.
What is the inclement weather like. For instance, after living near Charleston for years, we knew flooding would be an issue after big rains / when not to head downtown for an adventure. Hurricanes in the summer and random t-storms blowing through on a summer day only to have it be perfectly lovely an hour later. Not to fully trust the forecast etc.
GAHHHHHH, have been dying to get back to Charleston, now that you mention it. Want to photograph the architecture. Funny, I didn't know rain was such a thing there!
Yep! Flooding is a major issue in some areas. For instance if we get a big rainstorm that drops a lot quickly, it can take a few days for it all to clear out and some roads close regularly for it. And summer storms are a given. But they usually pass quickly.
There was major rain/king tides last month that ruined tons of cars left in garages while people were on a cruise. They came home to completely totaled vehicles after random rainstorm.
😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲 Eeeekkkkkkk!!!!! There was a rain storm here a few weeks ago and it flooded roads and things were all shut down and people were panicking and I was SHOCKED—after living in the central american rainforest, where there is super duper heavy rain all the time, I realized central america handles this pretty well lol.
It for sure all comes down to infrastructure too! If we get any snow, everything shuts down and everyone loses their minds and buys up all the milk and bread 🤣 a lot of us don’t have the vehicles (4wd or snow plows for that matter) to deal with it. Because it doesn’t happen often.
Parts of Charleston were basically built on marsh and landfill. So it doesn’t always handle a heavy intake of water well.
I’d like to know about their arts community, food scene, social support organizations, local politics, and access. We like to play as hard as we work, so we would definitely want to spend some time visiting to get a feel for it ourselves. Warm, swimmable beaches wouldn’t hurt.
I'd like to know whether people will look at me in strange ways if I go to the pub or a restaurant unaccompanied and what people's reactions are to same-sex couples, breastfeeding in public, eccentric hairstyles, etc. (ideally, the reaction would be that nobody bats an eyelid at any of the above).
Accessibility to culture - interesting restaurants, book store, music events, places to serve in some way. The overall vibe of the place - how do the people make you feel? I grew up in the south and I like being smiled at and called honey by the waitress at the local hamburger joint. Moving with kids is different than as a plain old grown up. For 15-18 years, our friends were found at our son’s hockey, lacrosse or football games. We had to make friends all by ourselves when he went to college. Didn’t see that coming. So knowing what helps you thrive as a grown ass person is top of the list. I love moving to a new place and discovering the good stuff. It’s everywhere. The best lesson our son learned by moving so much (bless his heart) is that there are good people everywhere. Seriously.
I’m a chronic mover 😅 and always make the deal with myself upfront that I must stay in a place for a full year to truly understand if it’s for me or not. SAD is sooooo real and moving to, for example, Berlin in October (which I did in 2018) will NOT give you a great first impression. The long, lazy days of a June on the lakes in Berlin? Priceless. Gotta stay for a year to gain any good perspective into if this is a good place for me long term.
An area with a lot to do is key for my hubby and me. We like access to the beach, the mountains, live music, good food & drinks, and the arts . Sidenote: if I saw a "Let's Go Brandon" sign anywhere in a neighborhood I was considering as home base, this beeatch would be outta there real quick! ;) Luckily, where we live is a nice blue pocket of inclusivity and diversity . YAY DURHAM! ;)
I've only moved to a different country once but it was significantly different than home in Canada. If I were going to move to another significantly different place I'd want to know:
1. Healthcare services. Are they decent and accessible? I didn't pay much attention to that before but now that I'm older it matters.
2. Is it vegetarian-friendly?
3. Is it dog-friendly? And not just for pet dogs but will the number of stray dogs rip my friggin heart out every time I leave the house (like Jamaica did 💔)
4. Should I wear earbuds 100% of the time so I can avoid marriage proposals every 10 steps while out in the community?
5. Ease of local transportation. This is surprisingly important until you develop the balls to learn how to drive on uncivilized roads in island countries 🤣
My #1 question: How easy is it to go outside???? Like yes, the town may be in the "country" but then - oh shit - all the land around you is owned by somebody, there are no real trails, and if you go for a walk everyone will come out of their houses to stare at you. OR, it's a big city but it takes 20 minutes to walk anywhere and an hour to drive to a park??? Basically, I want to know how easy is it to go get some good old fashioned nature.
Also...what are the trees like there? Are they big and tall or short and scrubby? For some reason this is extremely important to me.
BAAHAHA you have just identified what it's like being here in my hometown: the country is everywhere, but all the land is owned by somebody and there are no real trails (except for the ATV trails, but first you gotta trailer it all over to an access point). This is why I LOVE England: public access for walking, you can walk straight across the country!
There was a big (if terrifying) study done in late 80s/early 90s that showed the median time someone spent researching where they were moving was .... 45 minutes. Yikes! (On average, people do not spend more than an hour studying their new employer, lol.) Obviously, most of them were not as mindful as your commenters! When I lived in Bozeman, people would move there for flyfishing and were baffled by all the snow - even skiers would ask why there's a foot of snow.. in September (and why the city might take 2+ days to plow your street.) Anyway, thanks for the question - you may save someone from not doing their homework!
NO KIDDING, NORRIS!!!! Get out! I spent 45 minutes just deciding on which color curtains to buy. 😂 I'll have to see if I can look up a recent stat about that.
I have never been to Bozeman but the entire state is on my bucket list, LOL. Why do people LEAVE Bozeman? Cost of living???
Yep, Montana = where God vacations... ;) Cost of living is up but people move there and hate the local culture & politics. I remember a stat that Americans tend to move every 3 years unless they buy a house - what was funny was they estimated a median of 27 months which is exactly equal to the media number of months people date... hahahaha. But YES!!! Go see Montana - Yellowstone is insane as is Glacier. Beartooth Highway is also nuts. You;d love Boise too - we gotta find you a speaking gig here!
SO INTERESTING. I am so fascinated by different places and why people either love them (or leave them). I really do need to get over there! Now that I'm in the US for the time being, it's so much easier to just hop a quick flight. 😂
1. How are the grocery stores? (I love a clean grocery store with lots of beautiful produce)
2. Do people pick up their dog poop (I know.. this sounds super weird, but fuck if there aren't cities where nobody realizes that dog poop is meant to be picked up - leaving the entire city to smell like a pile of doo)
3. Is it a "walkable city" - meaning do I need my car to go everywhere or is the city set up for walking (Philly is a walking city, Richmond VA is not)
4. How close are the nearest National and State Parks... fuckin' odd question - but I love National and State Parks for hiking
Obvs I want to know about cost of living, how nice are the people, does it get sticky gross in the summer... but those are really easy to find on the innerwebs.
GROCERY STORESSSSSSSS! So important! Also, cost of living is wild: a glass of wine at the nicest restaurant in town, here in this part of rural America, literally costs $4. I am floored every freaking time. I'm used to seeing $15+ price tags in the city. 😵
And have totally been to Richmond—you are right on that!
Thank you for these thoughtful questions, Julie!!!!!!!
OMG... as someone who's lived in 4 different countries to date, I've got a laundry list of things. But as an African American woman, I want to know where I can get my hair done. Which means there need to be at least a HANDFUL of black folks where I'm living -- or I need to travel to other cities or countries to find them. (One thing I've discovered: people of color often live near major train stations, at least in big European cities. I've stopped into African- and Arab-owned hair care stores or barber shops to find where those of us with "textured hair" get ours done.
Everyone here has made great points about the TACTICAL advantages of a place. But as someone who recently scouted a couple possible new destinations in Europe, there's a visceral, emotional pull I have to feel for a place when I'm there. It can make great sense on paper, but I need to feel that za-za-zu (to borrow a Carrie Bradshaw-ism) when I'm there. Otherwise, it's just a lovely place to visit. ASH: am I right?
Is it a "community" (with people who are invested in it/ have lived there a long time); active city council; public activities/ services/ spaces/ parks, etc?
Are there groups there in which I can participate regularly who share my values? Sobriety, but not AA/ NA; being outdoors but not "extreme"; social groups that don't just meet in bars? I.e. where will I meet and interact with people IN THE FLESH?
How easy/ difficult/ expensive is it to get fresh milk, fresh squeezed juice (spoiled in Bali for juice!)
Are people friendly for real; to put on a show; or to get you to trust them so they can take advantage?
What should I spend more money on (as in, for better value)? What should I bargain on?
I'm so in this process and enjoying doing research on my new place... can't wait to read all of these answers and questions, and actually make the move!
I want to know about places that are warm enough to wear summer clothes all year round but not too hot. I want to know there won't be water shortages.
I would love to know about best ways to travel around Europe and less touristy places to visit. Safe areas to stay in Paris and places to visit. Best boutique hotels to stay in or alternative accommodation that doesn't cost a bomb.
I also want to stay in places that feel like they're in the countryside but a walk away from good quality food. Even better, a walk away from a beach.
There are some great ideas here! For me, first, it's always...
- What do you eat, where do you buy it, and how much does it cost? I want to know about restaurants and such, but I really want to know about local markets, stores, farms, etc. (I am 100% spoiled living in the south of France with a daily marché.)
After that...
- What can I walk to? I hate driving and love doing errands on foot (or bike - within reason).
- Does the area change seasonally with tourism, etc.? Some towns not far from where I live pretty much SHUT DOWN for 6-8 months of the year and are flooded with tourists for at least 3-4 months. Both are untenable for me.
- How easy is it to find a doctor/healthcare?
- For long-term living, how easy is it to make friends and integrate into the area? (My husband's Swiss cousin moved to another Swiss town and lived there for more than 20 years... and, despite being actively involved in the community AND speaking the local language, she was still an outsider.)
I wish I knew that many businesses close everyday between 12 & 2 or 12:30 & 2:30 or whatever weird timing they decide to take lunch! I wish I knew about the unspoken rules about when you can eat what - no snacks between meals (heavens, how uncivilized!), cafes are rarely open after 6:30 so there's nowhere you can go & hang out in the evenings if you don't drink (unless you want to be the one drinking the 20 year old peppermint tea made from the bag they dug up somewhere out in the back, while everyone else is chugging their beers). I wish I knew about the MOUNTAINS of paperwork (I could never have imagined how much there would be just to have the privilege of living here) & I wish I knew how archaic the banking system is (it takes up to 4 days for deposits to show in your account!) Oh & in case you haven't guessed. I live in France 🏰
Feels like the answer to that question answers heaps more (ie, a city's take on cars v. people; walkability; general ease of getting around; big sidewalks; care and feeding of downtown shops).
(We're going through the standard NYC > Montana > NYC cycle. Driving and all its ills stinks.)
Do shops, cafes, and social life close down with the sunset?
Can I get a meal at 11:45pm?
Is there any life blood in the place at night?!
I get restless and frustrated in places that have an "early to bed, early to rise" culture. I want 1 am social dates! It has a huge impact on how I choose where to travel.
How easy would it be for a vegetarian to live there? Not a pushy, preachy vegetarian, just someone who appreciates, for example, knowing up front that the restaurant's "house dressing" is veal-based. (REALLY?!? Whose first thought, when creating a salad dressing, is, Well, of course we should start with VEAL?? True story, though.)
Ahhhhh! I remember when I lived in Chile, they ALWAYS wanted to know my "RUT #" which is a number every citizen is given, and when I didn't have a RUT as a foreigner, everyone was always baffled at how to even process my transaction—like, even at the grocery store. 😂
We have the same in America—your social security number, assigned at birth!—but no one ever asks you for it publicly in a grocery store. 😂 It's kind of something you keep private, unless asked on a government form, hahahahahaha.
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE 18 TO GET THE REST OF THE DIGITS OF YOUR OWN SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER?!?!?!?!?!?! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god, this is fascinating. What's the thought process there?! Any idea?
I'll probably think of other things, but for me it is so critical to find out how late things stay open! And how early things open! Do the coffeeshops open at 6am or 10am? Do the restaurants close at 8pm or midnight? Do the bars close at all?
And if it's a city or a walkable town, how safe is the walking after dark? Do people actually walk home from places at 10pm, or is everyone fully at-home by then? Do streetlights even exist there?
Ugh yes to the "how late do things stay open?" thing. I'll never forget going to Geneva, Switzerland for the first time, and trying to get something to eat at 9pm. It was a ghost town! Maybe it was just the day, but I swear it was a Saturday night.
Even worse was that the supermarkets all shut at 6pm!!!!! I used to leave work early to get to the supermarket... and if you forget an ingredient, you were screwed 😱 🤣 who is that organised???!!!
Not just you, I had the same experience in Geneva. I stayed in Montreux for a few weeks, and even the casinos closed by 10pm. What was I doing in a casino in Switzerland? It was the only place open past 8pm!
No kidding! Okay, so it wasn't just the time of year!!! (And you'd be hard-pressed to find me in a casino, too, unless it was the only choice. 😂 ALAS!)
I've spent my whole life living in and around major metros, and traveled a lot over the years, but I am an outdoors person at heart. When I decided I wanted a new home base, I knew I needed amazing scenery, remote but not isolated, access to the outdoor activities I love most, and great people.
This is in addition to the basic necessities of life of course: ultra-high speed internet, good cell coverage, access to premium healthcare, delicious tap water, and a cornucopia of quality bakeries.
I decided I don't care if I have to drive an hour for the major conveniences that cities offer if the drive is breathtakingly beautiful, and there are zero traffic lights.
I don't care if I only have 3 options for mustard and avocados are only available on Mondays at the local teeny tiny market if it feels like I'm walking into a scene at Cheers because everybody knows my name, and are actually happy to see me.
I don't care that planning a trip to the post office actually takes planning, because the tradeoff is I can crack a beer and ride my tractor around the back of the property and tend my gardens in complete nekkedidity if I so desire (https://youtu.be/FC42gHDfm5k?t=21 --- well lookie here, not one but two 80's sitcom references!). Having lived an entire life of making sure I was modestly dressed before walking past a window in my own home, this is like discovering sunshine.
When I was deciding among places, I was thinking Utah (the people are amazing! but its so dang dry), or Montana (stunning and offers everything I love, but Montanans hate transplants, and frankly I don't blame them)... I wound up in the Catskills of NY. I'm surrounded by the pinnacle of the sport I love most (fly fishing), the scenery is gorgeous, the people are just the nicest, most thoughtful, friendly and relaxed ever.
NY does a fairly good job on environmental concerns. Yes the taxes are high, and it is an expensive place to live... but I literally had a bald eagle flying along side me the other day in a snowfall while on the way to the post office.
So I went around my ass to scratch my ear, but what I need to know is, do I feel happy every single day of my life? Because if you love where you live, its impossible to have a completely shitty day.
Christina, this entire response GAVE ME LIFE. You are so close to me!!!! Well, sort of. 😂 I want to explore the Catskills more—an old friend from high school who looooooves fly fishing goes out that way all the time (it's only about an hour and a half away). He said there are some really cute towns! And honestly, have been experiencing same deliciousness with country living at moment: the friendly people is what gets me. I would HANG OUT at the local hardware store because everyone's so great. (And there is only one shitty kind of avocado here, that is not the normal one I'm used to, and isn't easily mashable for my avo toast! LOL.)
Then it's settled. In the doggiest of dog days late this summer, I'm stealing you for a day of revelry.
We'll begin our day at our local dirty spoon who's house specialty is a surprisingly fab avocado toast (they've apparently cornered the market on the edible ones), served on their house-baked bread which is, again, surprisingly for the area, delightful.
Then it's an afternoon of fly fishing on the east coast's most premier trout fishery. I am the captain of my own fly fishing drift boat, so I shall row you down the river where you will positively feel like Cleopatra. We can sip champagne, snack on local delights like cheese curds and alpine sausages -- or I can whip up my famous summer prawn citrus salad, your choice, both are great in a boat -- and we'll cast our flies to persnickety trout who will give us the middle fin all day.
As we near our takeout, the skies will blush and become a psychedelic cotton candy technicolor wet dream. The water will be covered in a glossy silvery layer of fog that undulates around you, and even though I live here, I'll be photographing it like mad because its unbridled awesomeness.
With drift boat in tow — because thats how the cool kids roll in a fly fishing town — we can head to the local watering hole in Hancock, where grizzled fly fishing guides recap the highs and lows of the day while their clients keep buying rounds hoping their guides will get tipsy enough to spill a few more secrets.
Seriously. This is my Wednesday. And this is why I live here, and I fucking love my life. So, let me know when you'd like to be stolen and I'll start chilling the prawns and champagne.
MARRY ME.
Ok here’s what I need to know:
- access to services (like a plumber, electrician, etc) ***not easy on islands
- where’s the best local bookstore
- are they dog-friendly with restaurants and activities?
- is there a Vet accepting new dogs?
- what are health services like for humans? (Ie can I get a family doc or how do I handle a doctors visit?)
- is there a great coffee shop… not good, I mean great with coffee that makes me want to sing show tunes at the ass crack of timeZones I’m navigating with clients
- is there an eyelash extensionist and manicurist worth going to?
- how close is the nearest airport and does it do international flights?
- what’s the access to mountains and water (ocean or lake that’s swimmable) like?
This is DEFINITELY my favorite part: "I mean great coffee that makes me want to sing show tunes at the ass crack of timezones I'm navigating with clients." BAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAA! Coffee shops keep coming up big in my survey. And you know what's weird? I hardly ever sit in them myself! WHY AM I MISSING THE COFFEE SHOP CHIP?????????
I came here to ask about coffee shops. The vibe is everything.
Fun Fact: I don’t even drink coffee. But I love the ambience of a sheesheefroufrou coffee hang with an overpriced danish and some pretension of luxury like a Buddhist monk with angel wings hand plucked my peppermint leaves for my hot water o’ green du jour.
I really wish someone would put that copy on their menu. BAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
My needs are very different than 80% of the comments lol, but than I have spent decades living in rural settings, slowing inching my way out of the heart of Denver to the prairie fields, to the mountains, to the far north of Alaska which apparently many Americans think you need a passport to visit to. Living rural you can't generally walk to the neighborhood grocery store (I can but I'm lucky and do avoid it when it's -40). What I look for is the neighborhood dog and horse friendly. That is my number one top priority. Will they look at me funny when I ride my horse wearing a gun (bear safety) or with a beer in the water bottle holder (never the gun and beer at the same time lol). Do I need to wear orange in hunting season so my horse is not mistaken as a moose? How far is the local coffee shop hang out for when I need a break from working from home? How far is the nearest grocery store? Gas Station? and do you have to live here for 3 years before anyone will speak to you because they can smell outsiders? What local community events are there? Will it take an act of congress to get a repair man of any kind? Are we on Island time here, meaning people show up when they show up and are in no hurry, like Costa Rica and Hawaii? Although many also think we're an island (thank you maps) we are not but here many are definitely on island time. Do I need to call to be sure you're open, because even tho you have set hours, you've decided to go hunting, fishing, snow machining for a week on a whim.
Okay, we all need to come do a retreat at YOUR house, Melanie!!!!! This whole comment - this whole thing made me so curious to know more about where you live, and to visit. This is exactly what I want this column to do!!!!!!!!!
I am dying picturing you with a beer on your horse pulling up to town. That's SO something that would happen where I bought the country house, except it would 10,000% be a four-wheeler. 😂
Did you find that the folks did give you a bit of a cold shoulder for a while before they warmed up to you????
Oh yes! Let's do a retreat here! I would love that, as I suspect we'd have a blast. I would be more than happy to share the love of this place with you and your readers. I fell in love with this place years ago and was drawn to it ever since till I picked up my entire life and a place I called home for over 20 years and moved. LOL, we have a four wheeler too. We call it the wine-mobile :) I've no doubt there are a lot of similarities to where we live. Oh yes, definitely got the cold shoulder. They can smell outsiders and it takes a while to let you in. They want to know you're for real, good people, not judgmental of their lifestyle (which can be very different from city people) and going to stay. Especially where I live. It's the far north and not everyone can cut it. People come and go, often not lasting a year. So what I did was I found a local event, which in our case was the Yukon Quest Sled Dog Race, and started volunteering in some manner. They collect food to make for the mushers that come thru on the race, so we donated a lot of food. I live in musher country so this made a huge difference in how we were seen in the community. Every time I went somewhere I made sure to address clerks by name, ask how they were no matter how they treated me. Little things made the difference. Now it's like I've always been here. Living rural is not always easy, just being there for your neighbors, even the rough and tuff ones, can really make a difference.
My BIGGIES for moving to a new place (which I am trying to do) are:
—Is this a community that fosters and prizes creatives, artists, makers, and craftspeople?
—Is there a co-op or access to kind-to-animals family farms?
—How do people socialize? Is it scheduled, structured, and pay-to-play, or are we shotgunning beer in our neighbor's barn? (I'm jonesing for the latter.)
—What are the schooling options for kids? Especially interested in alternative options that foster individuals. (We need thinkers and weirdos, not more finance bros.)
—Are there local, small businesses run by faces you know, or are we doomed to patronize big box retailers and restaurant chains?
—Are their houses for rent and sale with character and charm? (And how much do they cost?)
—What local classes can I take to increase my weirdness? (I really want to take a raunchy hip-hop class despite my lack of rhythm. But also, I'd paint a severed head. I'm open to possibilities.)
—What is this place KNOWN for? (My in-laws think South Dakota is known for STDs despite never having been there.)
—What kind of outdoor adventure opportunities are there? Talk landscape to me, baby. (If I eat a mushroom chocolate, what kind of plant will enter a conversation with me?)
—Does this place go all out for the holidays? Or are they renowned for a celebration of their own?
—What is the community vibe? Do we not know our neighbors, or can we depend on them to shoot 10-foot-tall aliens dead in the street, you know, if it comes to that? (JK, I like to believe they'll be friendly. Or sexy. Wouldn't that be great? YOU COULD HAVE AN ALIEN BABY, ASH. Dreams.)
—What professions are lauded in this community? (And does anyone have a sweater draped over their shoulders?)
—What is the everyday fashion scene like?
—What foods is this place known for?
—Is there an indie bookstore?
—This is boring, but I care about the political inclination of a place—are we being dicks to segments of the population, or are we a bit more libertarian? (Read: Leave me and my aging vagina alone.)
I LOVE YOU SO HARD FOR THIS LIST. This is a list of aging vagina wet dreams!!! (As you so aptly put it, hahahahaha. 💀 ) I literally wrote down *everything* you said in my notebook, because I am a notebook writer, and it's no wonder I'm having neck problems.
"Shotgunning beer in the neighbor's barn" is my favorite thing anyone's ever written.
WHERE ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT MOVING TO?!?!?!? CAN WE KNOW?!?!?!?!?!?
(Also, I'll be emailing you soon. LOOK OUT!!!)
I forgot to mention gardening! How's the soil? Can we grow things? Can someone tell me how to grow things? Can we hire hot, sexy, alien (outer space, to be clear) gardeners? Do they provide seeds?
Happy to offer unhinged ideas, ANYTIME!
Your neck problem is THE PITS! Speaking of sexy, I have cubital tunnel syndrome in both arms, and I have to wear these plastic strap-ons at night. It makes the hubs very horny. Your neck woes made me wonder if you have a pinched nerve thang going on, too. Tingly fingers at night is a symptom of cubital.
UGH, ASH! I don't know where to move—that's my problem. Considering going back to the Midwest, but my in-laws are trying to convince us to stay in the area. They suggested PA. Do you need a neighbor to shotgun beer with? (I'm really bad at it, so you'll win and feel good about yourself.) If you know a place like I described, lemme know!
Can't wait for that unhinged email goodness!
I MISS YOU AND YOUR AGING VAGINA!!!!
Nothing pleases me more than receiving an email like this. HEY GIRL! Are you doing weird things? Need to know.
This one... Are there local, small businesses run by faces you know, or are we doomed to patronize big box retailers and restaurant chains? HELL YES TO THIS ONE... I am in the suburbs of Nashville and we literally have 17 chicken restaurant chains in our town... it's so gross... I WANT TO SUPPORT ALL THE SMALL BUSINESSES!
Nothing saddens me more than big-box American strip malls. 😢 I'm obsessed with this guy on Twitter who is designing more thoughtful communities. OBSESSED.
https://twitter.com/Cobylefko
YES! Bring back mom n' pop shops!
But Harm, will the alians RAISE the babies???? Good looking alian sex sounds great and all, but I don't want to raise another kid.
I've been exploring moving to other places for FOREVER. The two things that interest me the most are -
1. What it's truly like to live there as a non-local. It's one thing to comment on the culture and basics of living there, but when you're not from there the experience can be quite different.
2. I'm also interested in the downsides of living in a place. The surprises after moving there. The reaction that you couldn't have seen coming.
I've been looking at moving to Copenhagen and following so many Americans who have moved there. The most helpful information has been things you don't find in the top 10 lists anywhere. I want to know the nitty-gritty not-so-pretty bits about taking this huge leap so I can make a truly informed decision.
When I read these honest reactions I'm able to see if I identify with their struggle or if it doesn't apply to me based on my circumstances or personality.
Mostly I want honest feedback and not the shiny top 10 list of why to move to a certain city or country.
OOOOOO this is so good, Katie! "What it's truly like to live there as a non-local." SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!! That's a great distinction. And actually, it might be useful to keep the column limited to foreigners who have moved to X place, so we can get that helpful perspective in spades.
I haven't been to Copenhagen yet but you're nailing it on the head for what I'm hoping to accomplish here, both in the column and in the community. Whenever I'm researching a place, I want to know all of the downsides / surprises / weird little things, too! Especially culturally, and whether or not it'll be compatible.
Thank you SO much for your response. You might have just helped shape this column in a slightly different direction!!!
I wish I knew THIS (omg, so many questions....):
1. How inclined is the place to welcome new people into the local towns/communities? How hard is it to find and build new friendships for people not originally from there? And HOW do you meet people--especially if you want to live in a relatively rural area?
2. What are the best websites to find local houses/properties for sale/to rent?
3. Do they have any new agey/alternative peeps? Or is it all traditional agnostic or religious types?
4. Are there local yoga classes?
5. How open-minded is the culture? Do you have to work to fit in with the established culture, or do they welcome you as you are?
6. How do you find local handymen/handywomen/contractors if you want to do some renovation?
7. Is the culture progressive or conservative?
8. And, finally.... How long does it take to get an Amazon delivery? LOL, no but *really*, how long?
GAHHHH this list tho! So many I didn't have - especially around how to find local houses/properties for sale or rent. That's such a biggie. And the Amazon thing is cracking me up. LOL. It used to take 3 weeks+ to get something from Amazon to Costa Rica using the fastest method possible. (And most expensive, LOL.)
How close is the nearest Starbucks? I live in the country, and I’ll drive 30 minutes, passing other, mostly swill coffee shops, to get my Starbucks decaf mocha and plug in my computer.
Ha!! The closest one when I lived in Costa Rica was 3 hours away. 🤣 HOW DID I DO IT
I had some of the best coffee in my life in Costa Rica and it was not Starbucks. Clearly you did just fine!
I obviously could not live in Costa Rica.
Fitness related stuff - walking/cycling/hiking paths, forests to walk through, types of gyms
Every place should have a walking path at a bare minimum! This is why I love England so much: you can walk the entire country, crossing over meadows and fields, and it's all public access. 😍
Umm... As long as you stick to the footpaths. 😁 And don't have a grumpy dickhead of a farmer who suddenly decides after 25 years he wants you to stick to said footpaths and otherwise GET OFF MY LAND!! But you're right it is definitely walking country. There are places where there is a right to roam freely. Wales and Scotland are good for this.
YES! The footpaths! That's what I meant—though I always wondered how that was all sorted out between government + private land owners. Like....is every farmer obligated to allow a footpath?! I must research this, just out of personal curiosity!
No not every farmer. I think most footpaths are historically routes that were used regularly in the past by commoners. They are generally managed by local councils and volunteers who love walking and work to hard to ensure they don't get closed. Styles and kissing gates give access through hedges and fences.
So, so cool. I hosted a retreat in Painswick once, in the Cotswolds, and we took walks all over the place and now I am spoiled and can never be happy anywhere else again. 😂
Oh that's about an hour or so drive from where I am on the Welsh Borders. When the adult kids have moved out you're welcome to visit! 😄
Hey ash! I lived in I think 5 different countries and 6 places so far, and what I now consider is : what is the environment like? For instance, now that I live in a city that's surrounded by alps, people are very sporty. They dress very differently, have different habits, invest their time and energy in a very different way than, let's say, people in Milan. And it changes not just the vibe but also the non spoken rules in the workplace for instance. Then, how diverse is the population, which is an indicator of how open the people I meet will be. I also consider climate, how easy it is to walk or ride a bike (I hate having to depend on a car for my day to day activity ). And what type of activities I can do in my free time, how much choice there is for me, my partner and the kids. How easy it is to access nature. Aaand do they have food that I like?? 😆 How easy is it to get fresh veggies and fruits?
THIS IS SO INSIGHTFUL, CLIO!!!!!! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes, omg yes to the cultural aspect of how people spend their time—and how it affects *everything.* Being here in rural America renovating this farmhouse, it's fascinating how people being very outdoorsy affects the vibe of every single place I go—you are so right! I def want to get to the heart of "how people invest their time" via my prompts for this column. Excellent, excellent insight—thank you!!!!
(Also yes to food—I suffered in France. 😂)
Ah ah as you can imagine, being an Italian in France, I cannot be objective on the matter of food 😂😂 I mean, come on!!!
HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?!?! And, do you like frog legs?! LOL
🤣 I never had the guts to try them, so I wouldn't know. But Lucky for me, it's not really part of the regional cuisine here. Lots of excellent red wine, cheese, and bread. That's good enough for me
THAT IS MY JAM. Which region of France is this?!
I'm in Grenoble, in what is called "le Dauphiné". It's between Lyon and Turin in Italy, so south east.
(although still can't compare to Italy on all the rest, food wise 😋)
I guess I would like to know what is polite to converse with your new neighbours about, when out in the street carting your bin to the curb. Or if conversation IS expected in this context.
Am I being weird if I just say hi and smile?
Or am I creepy if I strike up a conversation?
AND if it is expected to talk to new neighbours (Spoiler alert: which Norwegians do only if there is a fire or to alert about a burglary), I don't want to be conceived as a creepy weirdo by NOT talking if that is expected, I also don't want to be talking about stuff that one doesn't talk about with strangers in that country. Like: Is it polite to ask about family? Is it ok to ask what people do for a living, or is that classified as "run for your life, she's a stalker" trigger?
Yeah, I guess this would be at the top of my list.
Also: Where is the closest wine bar? And I'm with Alex on the "when do shops/winebars open/close"
And: Where are the markets and what day is market day? And how early should I be there in order to get a sourdough bread before they sell out? (I have learned this the hard way in France. The answer there is "earlier than you think". You're welcome.) And are there markets? (In Norway, the answer is no.)
Ah yes, and a final one. Can I use debit cards, or do I need cash for everything (or, heaven forbid, checks (checks are the monetary equivelant of dinosaurs in Norway)? Which kind of shops can I pay with debit card in. That kind of stuff.
What is the inclement weather like. For instance, after living near Charleston for years, we knew flooding would be an issue after big rains / when not to head downtown for an adventure. Hurricanes in the summer and random t-storms blowing through on a summer day only to have it be perfectly lovely an hour later. Not to fully trust the forecast etc.
GAHHHHHH, have been dying to get back to Charleston, now that you mention it. Want to photograph the architecture. Funny, I didn't know rain was such a thing there!
Do it! And eat all the things while you’re there!
Yep! Flooding is a major issue in some areas. For instance if we get a big rainstorm that drops a lot quickly, it can take a few days for it all to clear out and some roads close regularly for it. And summer storms are a given. But they usually pass quickly.
There was major rain/king tides last month that ruined tons of cars left in garages while people were on a cruise. They came home to completely totaled vehicles after random rainstorm.
😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲 Eeeekkkkkkk!!!!! There was a rain storm here a few weeks ago and it flooded roads and things were all shut down and people were panicking and I was SHOCKED—after living in the central american rainforest, where there is super duper heavy rain all the time, I realized central america handles this pretty well lol.
It for sure all comes down to infrastructure too! If we get any snow, everything shuts down and everyone loses their minds and buys up all the milk and bread 🤣 a lot of us don’t have the vehicles (4wd or snow plows for that matter) to deal with it. Because it doesn’t happen often.
Parts of Charleston were basically built on marsh and landfill. So it doesn’t always handle a heavy intake of water well.
Active volcanoes and tsunamis, or avalanches and landslides - what natural disaster is most likely to happen in this new place? Great point!
I’d like to know about their arts community, food scene, social support organizations, local politics, and access. We like to play as hard as we work, so we would definitely want to spend some time visiting to get a feel for it ourselves. Warm, swimmable beaches wouldn’t hurt.
I'd like to know whether people will look at me in strange ways if I go to the pub or a restaurant unaccompanied and what people's reactions are to same-sex couples, breastfeeding in public, eccentric hairstyles, etc. (ideally, the reaction would be that nobody bats an eyelid at any of the above).
Accessibility to culture - interesting restaurants, book store, music events, places to serve in some way. The overall vibe of the place - how do the people make you feel? I grew up in the south and I like being smiled at and called honey by the waitress at the local hamburger joint. Moving with kids is different than as a plain old grown up. For 15-18 years, our friends were found at our son’s hockey, lacrosse or football games. We had to make friends all by ourselves when he went to college. Didn’t see that coming. So knowing what helps you thrive as a grown ass person is top of the list. I love moving to a new place and discovering the good stuff. It’s everywhere. The best lesson our son learned by moving so much (bless his heart) is that there are good people everywhere. Seriously.
PS I love this idea.
Can you buy booze on the weekend and in a regular store?
Are people civilized at the grocery store? Gas station?
Do you have more than 5 choices of people who can cut and color your hair?
Can you get a good piece of pie?
Is there an expectation that you will chat it up with your neighbors when you're getting your mail?
Is the city "always working on herself" aka under a constant state of construction?
Is there a legit downtown area with good restaurants, shops, hang out spots, and people watching?
Can you buy reasonable clothing locally, or does everything need to be delivered?
Is daily life actually easy? Or do you have to fight for basic survival just going about your fucking day?
I’m a chronic mover 😅 and always make the deal with myself upfront that I must stay in a place for a full year to truly understand if it’s for me or not. SAD is sooooo real and moving to, for example, Berlin in October (which I did in 2018) will NOT give you a great first impression. The long, lazy days of a June on the lakes in Berlin? Priceless. Gotta stay for a year to gain any good perspective into if this is a good place for me long term.
An area with a lot to do is key for my hubby and me. We like access to the beach, the mountains, live music, good food & drinks, and the arts . Sidenote: if I saw a "Let's Go Brandon" sign anywhere in a neighborhood I was considering as home base, this beeatch would be outta there real quick! ;) Luckily, where we live is a nice blue pocket of inclusivity and diversity . YAY DURHAM! ;)
I've only moved to a different country once but it was significantly different than home in Canada. If I were going to move to another significantly different place I'd want to know:
1. Healthcare services. Are they decent and accessible? I didn't pay much attention to that before but now that I'm older it matters.
2. Is it vegetarian-friendly?
3. Is it dog-friendly? And not just for pet dogs but will the number of stray dogs rip my friggin heart out every time I leave the house (like Jamaica did 💔)
4. Should I wear earbuds 100% of the time so I can avoid marriage proposals every 10 steps while out in the community?
5. Ease of local transportation. This is surprisingly important until you develop the balls to learn how to drive on uncivilized roads in island countries 🤣
My #1 question: How easy is it to go outside???? Like yes, the town may be in the "country" but then - oh shit - all the land around you is owned by somebody, there are no real trails, and if you go for a walk everyone will come out of their houses to stare at you. OR, it's a big city but it takes 20 minutes to walk anywhere and an hour to drive to a park??? Basically, I want to know how easy is it to go get some good old fashioned nature.
Also...what are the trees like there? Are they big and tall or short and scrubby? For some reason this is extremely important to me.
BAAHAHA you have just identified what it's like being here in my hometown: the country is everywhere, but all the land is owned by somebody and there are no real trails (except for the ATV trails, but first you gotta trailer it all over to an access point). This is why I LOVE England: public access for walking, you can walk straight across the country!
There was a big (if terrifying) study done in late 80s/early 90s that showed the median time someone spent researching where they were moving was .... 45 minutes. Yikes! (On average, people do not spend more than an hour studying their new employer, lol.) Obviously, most of them were not as mindful as your commenters! When I lived in Bozeman, people would move there for flyfishing and were baffled by all the snow - even skiers would ask why there's a foot of snow.. in September (and why the city might take 2+ days to plow your street.) Anyway, thanks for the question - you may save someone from not doing their homework!
NO KIDDING, NORRIS!!!! Get out! I spent 45 minutes just deciding on which color curtains to buy. 😂 I'll have to see if I can look up a recent stat about that.
I have never been to Bozeman but the entire state is on my bucket list, LOL. Why do people LEAVE Bozeman? Cost of living???
Yep, Montana = where God vacations... ;) Cost of living is up but people move there and hate the local culture & politics. I remember a stat that Americans tend to move every 3 years unless they buy a house - what was funny was they estimated a median of 27 months which is exactly equal to the media number of months people date... hahahaha. But YES!!! Go see Montana - Yellowstone is insane as is Glacier. Beartooth Highway is also nuts. You;d love Boise too - we gotta find you a speaking gig here!
SO INTERESTING. I am so fascinated by different places and why people either love them (or leave them). I really do need to get over there! Now that I'm in the US for the time being, it's so much easier to just hop a quick flight. 😂
You must have subscribers in every state - have them host you - show you *their* hidden gems.
Here's what I want to know...
1. How are the grocery stores? (I love a clean grocery store with lots of beautiful produce)
2. Do people pick up their dog poop (I know.. this sounds super weird, but fuck if there aren't cities where nobody realizes that dog poop is meant to be picked up - leaving the entire city to smell like a pile of doo)
3. Is it a "walkable city" - meaning do I need my car to go everywhere or is the city set up for walking (Philly is a walking city, Richmond VA is not)
4. How close are the nearest National and State Parks... fuckin' odd question - but I love National and State Parks for hiking
Obvs I want to know about cost of living, how nice are the people, does it get sticky gross in the summer... but those are really easy to find on the innerwebs.
GROCERY STORESSSSSSSS! So important! Also, cost of living is wild: a glass of wine at the nicest restaurant in town, here in this part of rural America, literally costs $4. I am floored every freaking time. I'm used to seeing $15+ price tags in the city. 😵
And have totally been to Richmond—you are right on that!
Thank you for these thoughtful questions, Julie!!!!!!!
OMG... as someone who's lived in 4 different countries to date, I've got a laundry list of things. But as an African American woman, I want to know where I can get my hair done. Which means there need to be at least a HANDFUL of black folks where I'm living -- or I need to travel to other cities or countries to find them. (One thing I've discovered: people of color often live near major train stations, at least in big European cities. I've stopped into African- and Arab-owned hair care stores or barber shops to find where those of us with "textured hair" get ours done.
Everyone here has made great points about the TACTICAL advantages of a place. But as someone who recently scouted a couple possible new destinations in Europe, there's a visceral, emotional pull I have to feel for a place when I'm there. It can make great sense on paper, but I need to feel that za-za-zu (to borrow a Carrie Bradshaw-ism) when I'm there. Otherwise, it's just a lovely place to visit. ASH: am I right?
Is it a "community" (with people who are invested in it/ have lived there a long time); active city council; public activities/ services/ spaces/ parks, etc?
Are there groups there in which I can participate regularly who share my values? Sobriety, but not AA/ NA; being outdoors but not "extreme"; social groups that don't just meet in bars? I.e. where will I meet and interact with people IN THE FLESH?
How easy/ difficult/ expensive is it to get fresh milk, fresh squeezed juice (spoiled in Bali for juice!)
Are people friendly for real; to put on a show; or to get you to trust them so they can take advantage?
What should I spend more money on (as in, for better value)? What should I bargain on?
I'm so in this process and enjoying doing research on my new place... can't wait to read all of these answers and questions, and actually make the move!
I want to know about places that are warm enough to wear summer clothes all year round but not too hot. I want to know there won't be water shortages.
I would love to know about best ways to travel around Europe and less touristy places to visit. Safe areas to stay in Paris and places to visit. Best boutique hotels to stay in or alternative accommodation that doesn't cost a bomb.
I also want to stay in places that feel like they're in the countryside but a walk away from good quality food. Even better, a walk away from a beach.
There are some great ideas here! For me, first, it's always...
- What do you eat, where do you buy it, and how much does it cost? I want to know about restaurants and such, but I really want to know about local markets, stores, farms, etc. (I am 100% spoiled living in the south of France with a daily marché.)
After that...
- What can I walk to? I hate driving and love doing errands on foot (or bike - within reason).
- Does the area change seasonally with tourism, etc.? Some towns not far from where I live pretty much SHUT DOWN for 6-8 months of the year and are flooded with tourists for at least 3-4 months. Both are untenable for me.
- How easy is it to find a doctor/healthcare?
- For long-term living, how easy is it to make friends and integrate into the area? (My husband's Swiss cousin moved to another Swiss town and lived there for more than 20 years... and, despite being actively involved in the community AND speaking the local language, she was still an outsider.)
I wish I knew that many businesses close everyday between 12 & 2 or 12:30 & 2:30 or whatever weird timing they decide to take lunch! I wish I knew about the unspoken rules about when you can eat what - no snacks between meals (heavens, how uncivilized!), cafes are rarely open after 6:30 so there's nowhere you can go & hang out in the evenings if you don't drink (unless you want to be the one drinking the 20 year old peppermint tea made from the bag they dug up somewhere out in the back, while everyone else is chugging their beers). I wish I knew about the MOUNTAINS of paperwork (I could never have imagined how much there would be just to have the privilege of living here) & I wish I knew how archaic the banking system is (it takes up to 4 days for deposits to show in your account!) Oh & in case you haven't guessed. I live in France 🏰
My husband and I put together a spreadsheet of things we were looking for during our moves together. Cause you gotta get geeky with it.
Some of the things on our list would be typical practical things like cost of living, tax situations, proximity to an airport, etc.
Then we realized that there are things beyond that, like...
1. Long-term climate resilience - are we going to flood, burn, or drought away?
2. Close to people we love - family, friends, and can we easily make new friends too?
3. Culture - from French speaking to lessons in all kinds of things like Taekwondo, skating, swimming, music, yoga, etc.
Basically, we realized that income/expenses weren't the primary thing to optimize for, if we wanted to be happy.
- Is there good easy waves for surfing? - How easy is it to make friends as an adult? - Is there good wi-fi? How is the artist community?
Whether I need a car for daily activities.
Feels like the answer to that question answers heaps more (ie, a city's take on cars v. people; walkability; general ease of getting around; big sidewalks; care and feeding of downtown shops).
(We're going through the standard NYC > Montana > NYC cycle. Driving and all its ills stinks.)
I want to know how early things close.
Do shops, cafes, and social life close down with the sunset?
Can I get a meal at 11:45pm?
Is there any life blood in the place at night?!
I get restless and frustrated in places that have an "early to bed, early to rise" culture. I want 1 am social dates! It has a huge impact on how I choose where to travel.
How easy would it be for a vegetarian to live there? Not a pushy, preachy vegetarian, just someone who appreciates, for example, knowing up front that the restaurant's "house dressing" is veal-based. (REALLY?!? Whose first thought, when creating a salad dressing, is, Well, of course we should start with VEAL?? True story, though.)
Ahhhhh! I remember when I lived in Chile, they ALWAYS wanted to know my "RUT #" which is a number every citizen is given, and when I didn't have a RUT as a foreigner, everyone was always baffled at how to even process my transaction—like, even at the grocery store. 😂
We have the same in America—your social security number, assigned at birth!—but no one ever asks you for it publicly in a grocery store. 😂 It's kind of something you keep private, unless asked on a government form, hahahahahaha.
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE 18 TO GET THE REST OF THE DIGITS OF YOUR OWN SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER?!?!?!?!?!?! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god, this is fascinating. What's the thought process there?! Any idea?