"Most scary things are just pinecones, in the end." This truth is what made me hit subscribe so I could comment:) Also, it's a truth I am FINALLY learning at my ripe old age, which is riper than the avocados I bought 2 weeks ago and didn't use this time either. Thnings are scary; they are pinecones; then they aren't scary anymore! Love!
"Riper than the avocados I bought 2 weeks ago and didn't use this time either." BAAHAHAHAHAHA - I literally just threw out three of them for this VERY reason. 😂 This must be a universal human reality.
WELCOME, WELCOME, CINDY! "Lunch With Mozart" is such a great name for a newsletter. 🤩
And, yes! Isn't that the truth? Most scary things really are just pinecones, in the end. I have found this to be true more times than not—especially when it comes to taking big leaps, whether it's moving abroad or trying a new class or putting yourself in a new social situation and beyond. I always end up having fun, even if it's something I've been dreading!
Pinecones: one woman's star centerpiece on a Thanksgiving table is another woman's pointy orb from hell unsub in a Criminal Minds episode. I'm pretty sure I would have approached the situation in the same manner, albeit less fashionable because I don't own olive green muck boots. Loved the story!
Ash, I just f%#$ing love your curiosity about everything. Most of us stick with the tried and true, what's safe, what we KNOW because - dead mothers forbid - we investigate something new and different that - GASP! - we might not be good at or understand immediately.
(Like, what moron thinks they should immediately be good at something they've literally never done? *raises hand*)
Oh, well, I am DEFINITELY not good at this. 😂 But then again, I am super fortunate to have grown up here, so I have a whole network of people who ARE. I have been continually humbled by their generosity. I had a whole crew help me move in; the other day, I had someone help me rip out the kitchen in the cottage with a crowbar, saws all, and drill (I learned how to do that!!!! was literally the best day of my life!!!!!); the propane guys went above and beyond to tour me around the basement of the house and the cottage and show me what every single pipe was for; friends came by on four wheelers the other night with their kids and checked out my electric box; the neighbors are all stopping by and saying howdy. There are benefits to small-town life, that's for sure. And it's been a lot easier, knowing I know people.
I WANT TO DEMO EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!! Also, have been fascinated by the subtle class wars here between "those who have four wheelers" and "those who have side-by-sides." My friends actually came on both—the wives drove the side-by-sides, and the guys drove the four wheelers, but given that they are prohibitively expensive, that is not usually the case. I'll be writing about these types of cultural observations soon, for a new writing project focused on hillbilly culture. (A positive term used here to self-describe.)
Interesting. I haven't noticed that down in south Jersey. I only visit there, though, so I'll have to check in with my friends-fam down there to see if it's a thing there, too. I love these cultural observations, as well. VERY much looking forward to that new project.
Mahahaha. So happy you're back and you never disappoint with your writing.
This reminds me of the time I was sitting in my backyard and kept hearing this snapping sound. For the life of me I couldn't figure it out. It was soooo loud.
I got my husband to come outside and he said he didn't hear anything. What? I'm I crazy. Then I hear again. "Didn't you hear it?" I was on my own. I grabbed my computer and googled until I had answers. Exploding seed pods.
SHUT. UP.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO KNEW THIS WAS A THING?!?!?!?!?! 😲 They're like little popcorns! At first, I thought for sure you were going to say "snapping turtles," but then again, do they really make noise?! Now I'm going to have to Google *that*. But also - are there even snapping turtles in Arizona, where you are?! Probably not! I wonder if that's just an east coast thing?!?!?!? (They are definitely here, LOL.)
OMG, I was scared just reading that. Reminded me of the time I came out of the shower to find an axe murderer thumping about the house and hid for a full five minutes behind a wardrobe (wet and NAKED) before realising a bird had come down the chimney. A jackdaw. You were braver than me, but I'm working on it.
No, stop! Baaaaahhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally just Googled "jackdaw" and that bird looks like he means business! How does one even *get* a bird out of their house?!
It's generally more of a challenge than getting a bat out, but this one seemed to understand the concept of an open window. Jackdaws are manageable but bears!!!!!! Bears are something else.
😄😄 This whole emails and thread are bringing back so many memories for me. I also had an axe murderer moment during a power outage while in the shower...in a foreign country.
I live in a tiny country town and the weirdest shit falls from the sky. All the time. Sure, there are walnuts that fall on their own. More than likely, though, they have been thrown by the sniper squirrels who get a kick out of scaring the crap out of us humans. I’ve had a half eaten apple fall on my head from above. And then there was the time when a stretch of land from my neighbor’s driveway to ours was covered in entrails. Dropped from above.
Walnuts!!! That sounds like it would make a REAL *thwack*. 😂 I'm going to post a clip of the pine cones falling to notes, because I swear to vodka, no one would believe me that they could make such a racket. Alas! More importantly, however: I wonder what kind of fucked up sounds you're going to hear in Italy. 😉
I loved this so much because it reminded me of sleeping in a little tin-roof cottage on the beach in Jamaica. Right under an almond tree. When almonds are still in their pods and fall onto a tin roof it sounds like a shotgun with every impact 😂 We were at war! Thanks for the PTSD flashback.
Omg, YES! I had an almond tree right on my deck in Costa Rica! CAN CONFIRM!!!!! (But seriously. I'm going to post the video clip I took of the pinecones to notes in a minute, because I swear - they were way louder than anyone would ever think! 😂)
Ah, the joys, trials & tribulations of a newbie in the boonies. Kudos for another of your fine irreverent and hilarious missives, Ash. And best of luck in acclimating to your new digs and surroundings.
I am hoping to someday retire to a "tiny home" (perhaps mobile) that is out somewhere near a lake (related somatic markers: my idyllic childhood was largely spent living on lakes and soaking up that nature connection and ambiance).
Hopefully, the peace and quiet will be calming and regenerative - and thereby enhance the flow of your creative writing juices. 😉🍷🍾Cheers
Marc!!!!!! 👋🏻 Hi, buddy!!!!! I have NO DOUBT that you *will* find your way to that lakefront property when it's time. Honestly, it was one of the reasons I wanted to buy property here: the lakes. This property sits on the intersection of two lakes (and my road names are both lakes, hahahaha). I have a big pond here, too, on this land - I need to get a kayak! Right now looking at a blue heron from my picture window as I type this. I'll always be a city-loving world traveler, but there's a time and place for everything. It's been great reconnecting to my hometown in a new way - though, when I lived here, I lived in town! Not in the actual woods. 😂
Oh God I am so glad you're back Ash!!! You have no idea how much I missed your writing and stories... pine cones - who knew?
Christine! Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Most scary things are just pinecones, in the end." This truth is what made me hit subscribe so I could comment:) Also, it's a truth I am FINALLY learning at my ripe old age, which is riper than the avocados I bought 2 weeks ago and didn't use this time either. Thnings are scary; they are pinecones; then they aren't scary anymore! Love!
"Riper than the avocados I bought 2 weeks ago and didn't use this time either." BAAHAHAHAHAHA - I literally just threw out three of them for this VERY reason. 😂 This must be a universal human reality.
WELCOME, WELCOME, CINDY! "Lunch With Mozart" is such a great name for a newsletter. 🤩
And, yes! Isn't that the truth? Most scary things really are just pinecones, in the end. I have found this to be true more times than not—especially when it comes to taking big leaps, whether it's moving abroad or trying a new class or putting yourself in a new social situation and beyond. I always end up having fun, even if it's something I've been dreading!
😆 OMG. This is the best thing ever.
Pinecones: one woman's star centerpiece on a Thanksgiving table is another woman's pointy orb from hell unsub in a Criminal Minds episode. I'm pretty sure I would have approached the situation in the same manner, albeit less fashionable because I don't own olive green muck boots. Loved the story!
Got them at the local hardware store, AND THEY ARE NOW MY LIFE. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Ash, I just f%#$ing love your curiosity about everything. Most of us stick with the tried and true, what's safe, what we KNOW because - dead mothers forbid - we investigate something new and different that - GASP! - we might not be good at or understand immediately.
(Like, what moron thinks they should immediately be good at something they've literally never done? *raises hand*)
I love reading about this new adventure of yours!
Oh, well, I am DEFINITELY not good at this. 😂 But then again, I am super fortunate to have grown up here, so I have a whole network of people who ARE. I have been continually humbled by their generosity. I had a whole crew help me move in; the other day, I had someone help me rip out the kitchen in the cottage with a crowbar, saws all, and drill (I learned how to do that!!!! was literally the best day of my life!!!!!); the propane guys went above and beyond to tour me around the basement of the house and the cottage and show me what every single pipe was for; friends came by on four wheelers the other night with their kids and checked out my electric box; the neighbors are all stopping by and saying howdy. There are benefits to small-town life, that's for sure. And it's been a lot easier, knowing I know people.
Friends! Neighbors! A support system! 🥳 🎉 WOOT!!
Do you have a four wheeler yet, by chance? If not, please correct this most egregious of missteps immediately!!
Also, aren't power tools and demolition just the flea's eyebrows??!! ❤️⚡️🪚
I WANT TO DEMO EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!! Also, have been fascinated by the subtle class wars here between "those who have four wheelers" and "those who have side-by-sides." My friends actually came on both—the wives drove the side-by-sides, and the guys drove the four wheelers, but given that they are prohibitively expensive, that is not usually the case. I'll be writing about these types of cultural observations soon, for a new writing project focused on hillbilly culture. (A positive term used here to self-describe.)
Interesting. I haven't noticed that down in south Jersey. I only visit there, though, so I'll have to check in with my friends-fam down there to see if it's a thing there, too. I love these cultural observations, as well. VERY much looking forward to that new project.
"...remembering that THERE ARE BEARS. Yes, hi, there are black bears everywhere"
You're REALLY selling your future writing retreats with this one 😂
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL I am literally guffawing!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mahahaha. So happy you're back and you never disappoint with your writing.
This reminds me of the time I was sitting in my backyard and kept hearing this snapping sound. For the life of me I couldn't figure it out. It was soooo loud.
I got my husband to come outside and he said he didn't hear anything. What? I'm I crazy. Then I hear again. "Didn't you hear it?" I was on my own. I grabbed my computer and googled until I had answers. Exploding seed pods.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHqHSpZhjeY
Exploding Dead Mothers!
SHUT. UP.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO KNEW THIS WAS A THING?!?!?!?!?! 😲 They're like little popcorns! At first, I thought for sure you were going to say "snapping turtles," but then again, do they really make noise?! Now I'm going to have to Google *that*. But also - are there even snapping turtles in Arizona, where you are?! Probably not! I wonder if that's just an east coast thing?!?!?!? (They are definitely here, LOL.)
OMG, I was scared just reading that. Reminded me of the time I came out of the shower to find an axe murderer thumping about the house and hid for a full five minutes behind a wardrobe (wet and NAKED) before realising a bird had come down the chimney. A jackdaw. You were braver than me, but I'm working on it.
No, stop! Baaaaahhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally just Googled "jackdaw" and that bird looks like he means business! How does one even *get* a bird out of their house?!
It's generally more of a challenge than getting a bat out, but this one seemed to understand the concept of an open window. Jackdaws are manageable but bears!!!!!! Bears are something else.
😄😄 This whole emails and thread are bringing back so many memories for me. I also had an axe murderer moment during a power outage while in the shower...in a foreign country.
My spirit people are here 😁
Don't leave us hanging like that, Keller!
You'll just have to keep reading my newsletters because I think that story is going to make an appearance 😁
😯😁
I live in a tiny country town and the weirdest shit falls from the sky. All the time. Sure, there are walnuts that fall on their own. More than likely, though, they have been thrown by the sniper squirrels who get a kick out of scaring the crap out of us humans. I’ve had a half eaten apple fall on my head from above. And then there was the time when a stretch of land from my neighbor’s driveway to ours was covered in entrails. Dropped from above.
Walnuts!!! That sounds like it would make a REAL *thwack*. 😂 I'm going to post a clip of the pine cones falling to notes, because I swear to vodka, no one would believe me that they could make such a racket. Alas! More importantly, however: I wonder what kind of fucked up sounds you're going to hear in Italy. 😉
The first sentence in your comment should be a book title 😄
LOL, I second this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am LAUGHING my ass off at the dead mothers!
I loved this so much because it reminded me of sleeping in a little tin-roof cottage on the beach in Jamaica. Right under an almond tree. When almonds are still in their pods and fall onto a tin roof it sounds like a shotgun with every impact 😂 We were at war! Thanks for the PTSD flashback.
Omg, YES! I had an almond tree right on my deck in Costa Rica! CAN CONFIRM!!!!! (But seriously. I'm going to post the video clip I took of the pinecones to notes in a minute, because I swear - they were way louder than anyone would ever think! 😂)
Ah, the joys, trials & tribulations of a newbie in the boonies. Kudos for another of your fine irreverent and hilarious missives, Ash. And best of luck in acclimating to your new digs and surroundings.
I am hoping to someday retire to a "tiny home" (perhaps mobile) that is out somewhere near a lake (related somatic markers: my idyllic childhood was largely spent living on lakes and soaking up that nature connection and ambiance).
Hopefully, the peace and quiet will be calming and regenerative - and thereby enhance the flow of your creative writing juices. 😉🍷🍾Cheers
Marc!!!!!! 👋🏻 Hi, buddy!!!!! I have NO DOUBT that you *will* find your way to that lakefront property when it's time. Honestly, it was one of the reasons I wanted to buy property here: the lakes. This property sits on the intersection of two lakes (and my road names are both lakes, hahahaha). I have a big pond here, too, on this land - I need to get a kayak! Right now looking at a blue heron from my picture window as I type this. I'll always be a city-loving world traveler, but there's a time and place for everything. It's been great reconnecting to my hometown in a new way - though, when I lived here, I lived in town! Not in the actual woods. 😂
I love your retirement plan! Go read my profile blurb...we share the same dream 😁
Great story....I was dying to know what was going on! Pinecones.....Lol🤣🤣 Learn something new all the time!!!
They are weightier than they seem, I swear!!! 😂