I read every word while still having the thought in my head throughout it all - THIS is what she's trying to tell us in all of her courses. THIS is how we should write! My coffee got cold, my neck is a stiff and my eyes are blurry from leaning into my laptop at o'dark thirty in the morning. But it was (as always) worth my cold cup of coffee. THIS is how we should write everything. Thank you from Montana!
Holy shit. This is the second time this has happened. You send an email about a place, and I am literally in said place (the first was Lisbon). Well, kind of this time. I am currently typing this from Omaha, Nebraska. I'm staying downtown, and so far the standout feature is how quiet it is and the number of parking garages. How about next time you send an email, it's from the Maldives or something? ;)
Hey Ash, I have only visited Iowa once to see my husband's brother and his wife. She grew up in Cedar Rapids. I was worried it was going to be all corn field and hicks. I was ready with jokes in hand.... but I was soooo wrong. It was hip and happening. Great bike paths with breweries along the way. Wineries with decent wine. This Phoenican even found an acceptable margarita in town. Surprise....surpise. Really enjoyed reading <3
When discussing the midwest plus meat, one cannot dismiss the goodness that is the "loose meat sandwich", also known as a "tavern sandwich." Iowa has Maid-Rite, Kansas (particularly, Wichita) has NuWay, Independence, Missouri has Mugs Up. I'm sure there are more, but these are the places I've personally enjoyed the sandwich. While the sandwiches are typically midwest-only fare, they were made known across the US of A during a series of Roseanne episodes (1992) when she opened a loose meat sandwich joint on the show.
Thank you for this wonderful read, and the profound conclusions you come to. You should come to Las Vegas- everyone here is from somewhere else, everyone has an interesting story, and nothing shocks. I’ve found it’s a town that you can make yourself into absolutely anything you want to be.
Ohhhh boy, the things I could write! I loved this and kept thinking yep, yep and exactly. I did keep waiting for you to get to Chicago. Liberal. Great Lake. Great wine and food and rooftops. Friendly anonymity is how I’ve always described what I like about it. Tho, I do think you could say that about most big cities.
This is what I know as a midwesterner who’s tried like hell to change the course of her family and get us out.... still trying. 😅
I grew up in a tiny town west of Chicago. My dad was the only dad who worked in the city though. The only dad at my games in a suit. No judgement. It just gave us a different perspective. Our 8th grade class trip was to Chicago (1 hour away) and girls had butter knives in their purses. 🤦🏻♀️
My parents were also true Iowans. Small town West Bend the home of The Grotto-- the story of Christ told in stones, a true grotto -- actually pretty amazing but still. A local priest spent his lifetime building it. My mom’s summer job was as a tour guide.
Growing up “in the woods” playing in our creek and being able to do and be everything in HS because our school was so small. It was a great childhood. Even driving 8 hours to family in Iowa for the Fourth parade and street dance. For 8 hours all you see in every direction is corn fields.
You grow up, you go away to college and then you see it. You’re right. The nice is actually obedience. Following the rules. Don’t be different tho -- they don’t like that. Don’t get me wrong. There are good people here. But there are good people everywhere.
We raised our kids in a wealthy white suburb of Chicago. Get 30 minutes outside the city and nice people like to keep it white. We also lived in MN (where we learned that yes MN nice can be patronizing.) there’s a lot of judging happening in the Midwest when it comes to outsiders. But then I’m making generalizations. If the Midwest is one big swath of flyover communities I grew up in a drive through community -- you know the towns on two lane highways you’d only stop for gas? Only, I didn’t realize it was until I moved away.
(Kum & Go’s have the worst name ever and if you ever go back to Iowa you need to visit Okoboji it’s a huge lake town lots of fun and my parents retired there and ... then there are trump signs)
And ..My fav small town of all time thus far in the Midwest is Marine on St Croix, MN population 600. Liberal, artists, musicians, and CEOs & entrepreneurs. Mixes of income levels. The oldest general store, a bar with live music where all the bikers (Harley’s) stop all summer. A river to play in. Our kids school had one hallway. None of my friends were mirror images of each other. It was an amazing 6 years there.
Now I’m outside the Chicago border in oak park. I’m moving downtown this summer and will probably always have a place here. But I long to find or create community in lots of places.
I guess what I want to say is that every city/country I vacation to whether NY, San Francisco, Denver, Sedona, Mexico, Spain, Italy -- I go on a run and runners wave to each other everywhere. A nod or slight hand gesture. When we had a Jeep we learned that Jeep owners wave to each other on the road. It’s a thing. And you nailed it with belonging. Find one commonality and it starts from there. Everywhere.
You reminded me of when I worked in Ogallala Nebraska (off and on) for a couple years. (Yes it's a real place in western Nebraska.) The farmers I worked with were good humans, and smart businessmen. Most of the kids left town as soon as they could. The prime rib was incredible.
Got a rental car stuck in a mud puddle in a cornfield. In the days before cellphones, you had to figure out how to solve problems like that on your own. I pulled up the annual sunflowers from the edges of the fields, shoved them underneath the tires and was able to get myself, and the car, unstuck. Both of us were impressively muddy. That prime rib sure was good eatin'.
I am a born and raised midwesterner- little further south than where you were though down in Topeka, KS area. (Don’t come to Topeka, we do not have any of the wonderful things you seek except bangs (I can only say this as a certainty because I am a hairstylist.) Anywho, the Midwest is nice.
We don’t have Kum and Go’s in my area but the gas station clerks here know me basically by name and it’s not uncommon to get caught up in conversations that take entirely too long. I think it’s nice though - some of my most interesting conversations have happened while trying to leave a gas station - kinda a highlight of boring slow midwestern life I suppose.
Kansas City has a neat lock bridge that lovers leave locks on. And several neat little neighborhoods with cool shops and bars. Lawrence, KS is lovely for shopping on Mass. St. and nice locals and being a little bit of a hippy town. There’s some nice little vineyards around too - mostly west and south of Topeka. Wyldewood being the most notable.
So, I’d say yes - Midwest nice is a thing, maybe a little bit more so in Kansas than Nebraska or Iowa or perhaps it’s a being a local thing. Definitely a Lawrence KS thing in my opinion.
PS - Topeka isn’t worth a stop. It’s a black hole storms don’t even like to pass through. Seriously. The big ones always break up or go around Topeka. It’s probably because we have the Phelps and a bad meth issue here. But we also have the Lamp Post Dancer and an entire FB page devoted to WTF things happening around town. So I can’t say it’s not interesting… just not interesting in the way I would want to encourage anyone to come visit.
(I’ve managed to find home in a small town about 20 min away from the crazy but unfortunately that means I still work and do most everything in crazy town). For now.
I live in Nebraska. I grew up in IA. I have lived on the West coast. I have worked in Manhattan. Sorry you didn’t “feel” warm. I felt you came in with a Pre-judgement and you judged. Makes me sad. We are all people. Need to find the joy in everyday. I have loved reading and learning from you but was disappointed this time. By the way, we know we are a “fly” over state/region. We are ok with that!
This post rocked. I grew up in Missouri, and then lived in Seattle for quite a few years. In 2015 my partner and I decided to sell our house in South Seattle and go on the hunt for a more affordable place to live. We packed a couple bags and the dog in the car and went on the road for seven-ish months, staying in towns across the country for a couple weeks at a time to "test drive" them. We ended up back in the Midwest, north of where your tour took you, in the Twin Cities. I love it here but will confess, the Minnesota Nice (does every state have a Nice?) was confusing on a lot of levels. Seattle was the city of introverts. We lived in the same neighborhood for five years, took the dog on the same walk/run every day, saw the same neighbors and no one ever made eye contact much less introduced themselves. They have a name for that, too, BTW, it's the Seattle Freeze. The first week we were in MN a guy at a coffee shop said good morning and I was like "wtf dude, I'm married back off..." My partner nearly spit out his coffee, he was like "he's just being nice you wacko." People are polite, but also incredibly passive aggressive. The complete lack of direct communication is baffling. I've learned to translate Minnesota-speak, but it's taken a concentrated effort and people don't know what to do with me when I address conflict directly. I also think it's worse in the Upper Midwest than where I grew up, though maybe I just didn't notice it as a young person.
Well as a true blooded corn huskin Lincolnite lol. I almost peed my pants about three times in this post. First, I'm so proud of how brave and open minded you were going into this. IMPRESSIVE!!! BUT I have to ask.... DID YOU GET A RUNZA?? DID YOU TRY VALENTINOS PIZZA?? WHAT ABOUT AMIGOS!!! Those (and the Omaha Zoo) are the real beacons of 'The Good Life, Nebraska.'
Lol, It's so funny one of my besties sent me your blog knowing I'm 'corn fed.' But what she didn't know is, I'll be taking my first trip back home since 2017. I have been living in a much faster paced land full of creative, outspoken, sassy, cross dressing, tik toking influencers... CALIFORINA.
San Diego to be exact. AND BOY did I realize how SLOW everything was back in Nebraska. It will be very interesting to see how things have and have not changed. I'll keep you posted!!!!!
As soon as you said you were driving from Colorado to Iowa, I knew what was going to happen. You were going to pass through Nebraska. I couldn't wait to hear about your experience, and it didn't disappoint. I was born in Lincoln, and grew up in the Western end of the state, and now I live in Austin, of course. At one point I moved back to live in my grandma's basement for a summer. She might be related to the winery owner. Barely 5' tall, fluffy white hair permed on the regular, and always insisted on getting the check for lunch....at Runza! I can't believe you didn't go to a RUNZA!! It's the best. It's like a hamburger, but with the bun wrapping all the way around, and instead of lettuce, you have roasted cabbage and onion (+cheese?) on the inside. In Lincoln, did you stop by the Mill for coffee? I went there every morning to study and have a Granita (frozen cold brew + milk) before going to work at "The Night Before Lounge." It was the last great summer of my adulthood, sigh. And the real estate! You could buy a Victorian mansion close to downtown for, like, a hundred dollars.
Having grown up in the Midwest (is Michigan even really the Midwest?), I laughed and chuckled and hooted and was reminded why I adore you so much, Ash! Thank you for bringing joy to my day! I aspire to be like you one day. ♥️
Yes! I agree (somewhat sadly) with a lot of this. I've lived here my whole life and the smaller the town, the more miserable the people--in my opinion. I think people would love to open up and share their personalities if they weren't so scared of vulnerability (because maybe if they were vulnerable, they'd have to admit how unhappy they are? Or is that just me?) Work, weather, sports, news, and THE PAST are the ever present buffet items of conversation, and I can't stomach it anymore. You can't accumulate experiences to talk about when you don't ever....leave, I guess. This isn't the place to be for a fellow loud, energetic, enthusiastic, artistic person such as myself. I live in the second largest city and it's just too small. I outgrow one shell and have to find another. It's cheap to live here. but I'm not the poster girl for ND Travel and Tourism, that's for sure. If you're ever in ND, FFS look me up! We can tear up Fargo together. Fargo is a pretty decent little city. You'll find hippies next to (young) farmers at rock shows. There's really great food, and enough space to give it a small town feel, but people are still young, energetic, warm, and talkative. They started a Renaissance festival, and this year is the second one. Are you into strip clubs? They have the only one left in ND. And their community theater is modeled after the Guthrie. Actually, I'll have to rustle up some money since I didn't get a job I recently applied for, then I might move there if I don't take a second run at Indiana. (Although I really want to be in the southwest.) I'm slowly moving from one stepping stone to the next, larger stepping stone.
Baaahahahahah!!! *waves enthusiastically out the window right back at you!!! With a soft pretzel in my mouth!!!!! And HUGE sunglasses!!!!*
ALSO, AWEBER?!? No way!
I read every word while still having the thought in my head throughout it all - THIS is what she's trying to tell us in all of her courses. THIS is how we should write! My coffee got cold, my neck is a stiff and my eyes are blurry from leaning into my laptop at o'dark thirty in the morning. But it was (as always) worth my cold cup of coffee. THIS is how we should write everything. Thank you from Montana!
Holy shit. This is the second time this has happened. You send an email about a place, and I am literally in said place (the first was Lisbon). Well, kind of this time. I am currently typing this from Omaha, Nebraska. I'm staying downtown, and so far the standout feature is how quiet it is and the number of parking garages. How about next time you send an email, it's from the Maldives or something? ;)
Hey Ash, I have only visited Iowa once to see my husband's brother and his wife. She grew up in Cedar Rapids. I was worried it was going to be all corn field and hicks. I was ready with jokes in hand.... but I was soooo wrong. It was hip and happening. Great bike paths with breweries along the way. Wineries with decent wine. This Phoenican even found an acceptable margarita in town. Surprise....surpise. Really enjoyed reading <3
When discussing the midwest plus meat, one cannot dismiss the goodness that is the "loose meat sandwich", also known as a "tavern sandwich." Iowa has Maid-Rite, Kansas (particularly, Wichita) has NuWay, Independence, Missouri has Mugs Up. I'm sure there are more, but these are the places I've personally enjoyed the sandwich. While the sandwiches are typically midwest-only fare, they were made known across the US of A during a series of Roseanne episodes (1992) when she opened a loose meat sandwich joint on the show.
Thank you for this wonderful read, and the profound conclusions you come to. You should come to Las Vegas- everyone here is from somewhere else, everyone has an interesting story, and nothing shocks. I’ve found it’s a town that you can make yourself into absolutely anything you want to be.
Ohhhh boy, the things I could write! I loved this and kept thinking yep, yep and exactly. I did keep waiting for you to get to Chicago. Liberal. Great Lake. Great wine and food and rooftops. Friendly anonymity is how I’ve always described what I like about it. Tho, I do think you could say that about most big cities.
This is what I know as a midwesterner who’s tried like hell to change the course of her family and get us out.... still trying. 😅
I grew up in a tiny town west of Chicago. My dad was the only dad who worked in the city though. The only dad at my games in a suit. No judgement. It just gave us a different perspective. Our 8th grade class trip was to Chicago (1 hour away) and girls had butter knives in their purses. 🤦🏻♀️
My parents were also true Iowans. Small town West Bend the home of The Grotto-- the story of Christ told in stones, a true grotto -- actually pretty amazing but still. A local priest spent his lifetime building it. My mom’s summer job was as a tour guide.
Growing up “in the woods” playing in our creek and being able to do and be everything in HS because our school was so small. It was a great childhood. Even driving 8 hours to family in Iowa for the Fourth parade and street dance. For 8 hours all you see in every direction is corn fields.
You grow up, you go away to college and then you see it. You’re right. The nice is actually obedience. Following the rules. Don’t be different tho -- they don’t like that. Don’t get me wrong. There are good people here. But there are good people everywhere.
We raised our kids in a wealthy white suburb of Chicago. Get 30 minutes outside the city and nice people like to keep it white. We also lived in MN (where we learned that yes MN nice can be patronizing.) there’s a lot of judging happening in the Midwest when it comes to outsiders. But then I’m making generalizations. If the Midwest is one big swath of flyover communities I grew up in a drive through community -- you know the towns on two lane highways you’d only stop for gas? Only, I didn’t realize it was until I moved away.
(Kum & Go’s have the worst name ever and if you ever go back to Iowa you need to visit Okoboji it’s a huge lake town lots of fun and my parents retired there and ... then there are trump signs)
And ..My fav small town of all time thus far in the Midwest is Marine on St Croix, MN population 600. Liberal, artists, musicians, and CEOs & entrepreneurs. Mixes of income levels. The oldest general store, a bar with live music where all the bikers (Harley’s) stop all summer. A river to play in. Our kids school had one hallway. None of my friends were mirror images of each other. It was an amazing 6 years there.
Now I’m outside the Chicago border in oak park. I’m moving downtown this summer and will probably always have a place here. But I long to find or create community in lots of places.
I guess what I want to say is that every city/country I vacation to whether NY, San Francisco, Denver, Sedona, Mexico, Spain, Italy -- I go on a run and runners wave to each other everywhere. A nod or slight hand gesture. When we had a Jeep we learned that Jeep owners wave to each other on the road. It’s a thing. And you nailed it with belonging. Find one commonality and it starts from there. Everywhere.
You reminded me of when I worked in Ogallala Nebraska (off and on) for a couple years. (Yes it's a real place in western Nebraska.) The farmers I worked with were good humans, and smart businessmen. Most of the kids left town as soon as they could. The prime rib was incredible.
Got a rental car stuck in a mud puddle in a cornfield. In the days before cellphones, you had to figure out how to solve problems like that on your own. I pulled up the annual sunflowers from the edges of the fields, shoved them underneath the tires and was able to get myself, and the car, unstuck. Both of us were impressively muddy. That prime rib sure was good eatin'.
I am a born and raised midwesterner- little further south than where you were though down in Topeka, KS area. (Don’t come to Topeka, we do not have any of the wonderful things you seek except bangs (I can only say this as a certainty because I am a hairstylist.) Anywho, the Midwest is nice.
We don’t have Kum and Go’s in my area but the gas station clerks here know me basically by name and it’s not uncommon to get caught up in conversations that take entirely too long. I think it’s nice though - some of my most interesting conversations have happened while trying to leave a gas station - kinda a highlight of boring slow midwestern life I suppose.
Kansas City has a neat lock bridge that lovers leave locks on. And several neat little neighborhoods with cool shops and bars. Lawrence, KS is lovely for shopping on Mass. St. and nice locals and being a little bit of a hippy town. There’s some nice little vineyards around too - mostly west and south of Topeka. Wyldewood being the most notable.
So, I’d say yes - Midwest nice is a thing, maybe a little bit more so in Kansas than Nebraska or Iowa or perhaps it’s a being a local thing. Definitely a Lawrence KS thing in my opinion.
PS - Topeka isn’t worth a stop. It’s a black hole storms don’t even like to pass through. Seriously. The big ones always break up or go around Topeka. It’s probably because we have the Phelps and a bad meth issue here. But we also have the Lamp Post Dancer and an entire FB page devoted to WTF things happening around town. So I can’t say it’s not interesting… just not interesting in the way I would want to encourage anyone to come visit.
(I’ve managed to find home in a small town about 20 min away from the crazy but unfortunately that means I still work and do most everything in crazy town). For now.
But did you try the RUNZA????
Made the round trip from Denver - Chicago… twice…never again 👀
I loved the bit about belonging. I’m looking for that too. Until then. Staying mobile, wild, and free makes me belong to where I am now!
Miss you. STUNNING PIECE made my Saturday night! (I too would do 300 burpees than be out late). Xoxox
I live in Nebraska. I grew up in IA. I have lived on the West coast. I have worked in Manhattan. Sorry you didn’t “feel” warm. I felt you came in with a Pre-judgement and you judged. Makes me sad. We are all people. Need to find the joy in everyday. I have loved reading and learning from you but was disappointed this time. By the way, we know we are a “fly” over state/region. We are ok with that!
This post rocked. I grew up in Missouri, and then lived in Seattle for quite a few years. In 2015 my partner and I decided to sell our house in South Seattle and go on the hunt for a more affordable place to live. We packed a couple bags and the dog in the car and went on the road for seven-ish months, staying in towns across the country for a couple weeks at a time to "test drive" them. We ended up back in the Midwest, north of where your tour took you, in the Twin Cities. I love it here but will confess, the Minnesota Nice (does every state have a Nice?) was confusing on a lot of levels. Seattle was the city of introverts. We lived in the same neighborhood for five years, took the dog on the same walk/run every day, saw the same neighbors and no one ever made eye contact much less introduced themselves. They have a name for that, too, BTW, it's the Seattle Freeze. The first week we were in MN a guy at a coffee shop said good morning and I was like "wtf dude, I'm married back off..." My partner nearly spit out his coffee, he was like "he's just being nice you wacko." People are polite, but also incredibly passive aggressive. The complete lack of direct communication is baffling. I've learned to translate Minnesota-speak, but it's taken a concentrated effort and people don't know what to do with me when I address conflict directly. I also think it's worse in the Upper Midwest than where I grew up, though maybe I just didn't notice it as a young person.
Well as a true blooded corn huskin Lincolnite lol. I almost peed my pants about three times in this post. First, I'm so proud of how brave and open minded you were going into this. IMPRESSIVE!!! BUT I have to ask.... DID YOU GET A RUNZA?? DID YOU TRY VALENTINOS PIZZA?? WHAT ABOUT AMIGOS!!! Those (and the Omaha Zoo) are the real beacons of 'The Good Life, Nebraska.'
Lol, It's so funny one of my besties sent me your blog knowing I'm 'corn fed.' But what she didn't know is, I'll be taking my first trip back home since 2017. I have been living in a much faster paced land full of creative, outspoken, sassy, cross dressing, tik toking influencers... CALIFORINA.
San Diego to be exact. AND BOY did I realize how SLOW everything was back in Nebraska. It will be very interesting to see how things have and have not changed. I'll keep you posted!!!!!
As soon as you said you were driving from Colorado to Iowa, I knew what was going to happen. You were going to pass through Nebraska. I couldn't wait to hear about your experience, and it didn't disappoint. I was born in Lincoln, and grew up in the Western end of the state, and now I live in Austin, of course. At one point I moved back to live in my grandma's basement for a summer. She might be related to the winery owner. Barely 5' tall, fluffy white hair permed on the regular, and always insisted on getting the check for lunch....at Runza! I can't believe you didn't go to a RUNZA!! It's the best. It's like a hamburger, but with the bun wrapping all the way around, and instead of lettuce, you have roasted cabbage and onion (+cheese?) on the inside. In Lincoln, did you stop by the Mill for coffee? I went there every morning to study and have a Granita (frozen cold brew + milk) before going to work at "The Night Before Lounge." It was the last great summer of my adulthood, sigh. And the real estate! You could buy a Victorian mansion close to downtown for, like, a hundred dollars.
Having grown up in the Midwest (is Michigan even really the Midwest?), I laughed and chuckled and hooted and was reminded why I adore you so much, Ash! Thank you for bringing joy to my day! I aspire to be like you one day. ♥️
Yes! I agree (somewhat sadly) with a lot of this. I've lived here my whole life and the smaller the town, the more miserable the people--in my opinion. I think people would love to open up and share their personalities if they weren't so scared of vulnerability (because maybe if they were vulnerable, they'd have to admit how unhappy they are? Or is that just me?) Work, weather, sports, news, and THE PAST are the ever present buffet items of conversation, and I can't stomach it anymore. You can't accumulate experiences to talk about when you don't ever....leave, I guess. This isn't the place to be for a fellow loud, energetic, enthusiastic, artistic person such as myself. I live in the second largest city and it's just too small. I outgrow one shell and have to find another. It's cheap to live here. but I'm not the poster girl for ND Travel and Tourism, that's for sure. If you're ever in ND, FFS look me up! We can tear up Fargo together. Fargo is a pretty decent little city. You'll find hippies next to (young) farmers at rock shows. There's really great food, and enough space to give it a small town feel, but people are still young, energetic, warm, and talkative. They started a Renaissance festival, and this year is the second one. Are you into strip clubs? They have the only one left in ND. And their community theater is modeled after the Guthrie. Actually, I'll have to rustle up some money since I didn't get a job I recently applied for, then I might move there if I don't take a second run at Indiana. (Although I really want to be in the southwest.) I'm slowly moving from one stepping stone to the next, larger stepping stone.