Dear World: I Am Eating Alfredo Sauce in a Strip Mall

So, like, we need to go to Europe together, stat.

The nicest restaurant in the next town over is in a strip mall, next to a jenky casino with blacked out windows and red neon signs advertising “jackpot,” and “777,” and “ATM.”

Couple behind me in restaurant. They must be traveling through. Debate what will happen now that Trump’s been re-elected. That it’s okay to be sad. That Kamala as VP will have to transfer power at the inauguration. That he remembered an Italian restaurant in Old Town Alexandria where he used to live. (I love Old Town Alexandria.) When asked if they’d like to take the garlic knots to go, the woman replied:  “No, I didn’t care for them.” And then, after the server walked away, she reprimanded herself: “You know, I could have just said no. Had to add the bit about not caring for them.”

And this is why the elite are hated so.

Ordered a habanero Alfredo dish. It is surprisingly excellent.

Overheard: “The Dems want the first female president—but they don’t even know what gender they are.”

Need to do the window boxes. All fifty red mums I bought in the fall are now dead. Want to do an evergreen theme for winter. Real evergreens? Faux evergreens? Won’t the real ones turn brown???

Have trapped total of 8 mice in crawl space next to bedroom. That room, “the bedroom” is where I GO UNCONSCIOUS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Where my head is located. Next to the crawl space. Next to the mice. In some world where I somehow still seem to function???

Mouse traps have become part of my life here. I really need a YouTube channel.

Very excited to do ridiculous photoshoot at the farmhouse. Picturing wearing a giant light pink tulle ballgown with a cigar hanging out of my mouth as I rev on a 4-wheeler stuck in the mud with mud flying everywhere and all over the dress. Can’t you just see it? There might have to be a can of Bud Light involved somewhere, too. And champagne. And pearls. And the hardware store muck boots. And all of the contradictions that make me, me.

By the way, remember last week when I was telling you about the very cool photographers that come to you every quarter and create 90 days worth of content for your biz in one day???? Well, I’m having them come out (to shoot the tulle mud shenanigans!!!) so we were chatting and I was so excited about their innovative business model, and apparently many of you inquired from my last post, so they made me an official partner. 🤩 If you heard about them here & were thinking about hiring them, schedule your initial chat with them through my link! That way, they’ll know you’re a TMF reader and I can get credit for connecting you guys while they shower you with kisses. 💋 Thank you!

Need new chainsaw. Burned motor on old one. Have big trees that fell. Must cut up. Weird, the things you need to buy when you own a house.

Best friend on plane to Spain and Italy. Works in wine. Travels everywhere. Loves life. We were talking about going in on a place together in Italy, though I’d prefer Spain. Probably because of my background speaking really f*cking fluent Spanish (WORKED HARD FOR THAT), but also because no place feels more alive than Spain. And Parque Retiro in Madrid is one of my favorite places on earth—next to Hyde Park in London, of course. I’m definitely buying a flat in London someday. Maybe that needs to happen sooner than later, even if there is no strip mall habanero alfredo sauce.

Then again, Scotland also needs to happen. And Chile! How do I not have a place in Chile yet?! My first love. I miss living in Santiago. Those years were some of the best of my life. What a beautiful place to live.

Thank god for modern technology that lets us live and work from anywhere we want. It’s been such a privilege, and a joy, and the single most defining decision of my life.

Speaking of which—

Been working hard on Year of Living Anywhere, the expat training program I am building to help more Americans go abroad. This signature curriculum will help you go to Europe for 3, 6, or 12 months, funded by your own independent efforts in conjunction with our remote work training & travel program. I’m really excited about building this with you. Have gotten so many positive, helpful, excited emails! Lots of you want to volunteer and/or offer your expertise. THANK YOU. I will be looking for local experts & contacts in a number of European countries to work with our members. I will also be hiring remote work & biz mentors who know their shit and have a strong POV. Will be releasing details soon. Keep your eyes peeled for applications opening in the coming couple of weeks! (And make sure your name is on the waitlist if you’re interested.)

OH! I guess I should mention: TMF has brought back its signature red for the holidays. Feels punchy & poppy, doesn’t it?

Am going to a little kid’s birthday party today. Might have to drink some eggnog. Should probably shower first. Here we go!

I hope you have the best fucking Sunday ever.

Back in action this week with more sicko ideas for helping you live and work from anywhere, with more fn joy. 🌈

OH, ONE MORE THING! You have GOT to take my (new) reader survey. Will you, will you?! I will throw pickles into the air if you do! I think these questions are just hilarious (and also really nice just to get to “know” you!)

And behold…pickles flying in the air. Along with mud and a tulle dress. And maybe a few more fucks we have all been giving, that we don’t need to give anymore.

Yup, 2025 is about to get WILD.

P.S. If you upgrade to a paid subscription to The Middle Finger Project, you can spend the day reading every piece of straight-talk business advice I’ve ever written, particularly if you’d like to spend more time abroad this year and divorce your work from your physical location. 💪