26 Comments

Spoken like a woman driven to self reflection in the silence found somewhere vast enough to have one's own 'woods'.

Enjoy.

Happy Holidays.

P.S. I love that it's your outfit which makes you fancy enough to envy, not your use of sentences like ..."through my woods..." 😂

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Baahahahah everyone around here has woods surrounding them, they are inescapable! 😂

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Happiest of holidays, Ash - and I can totally see you starting a wine bar / coffee bar in town, open at your whim. Or maybe it's just that *I* really want to do this in my own, soon-to-be-home, small town. We need one. Coffee in the morning. Wine after 3pm.

Placemats would have my "life lessons" of the moment, with a QR code for people to recommend their own for future placemats. My current life lessons would be things like: ALWAYS wear your fat pants, because why be uncomfortable? Replace the word "girl" with "squirrel" in every song you hear for the ultimate in entertainment. Teach a child in your life silly, made-up words to childhood nursery rhymes, like "this little piggy went to market/ this little piggy stayed home and watched Netflix and ate bonbons..." and listen to them giggle.

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LOVE the idea of a QR code for people to submit their own! And re-prints monthly! (With free food on us if we use one of yours.) How fun!

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Merry Christmas Ash!

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Merry Christmas Ash. I love the thin placemats especially while traveling as they make great art in the travel journal. Mom can go wherever you wish! My mother is dressed in her favorite fur and resides currently in the dinning room as that's where we all gather for food when not plopped in front of the TV with the dogs. Love the rural neighborhood, live in one myself and your descriptions sounds almost like ours but we're a tad darker out here lol

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GREAT ART IN THE TRAVEL JOURNAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, now that's a new idea I hadn't thought of!!!!!

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Works great when you can find them. We've picked up some in antique shops too specific to the area we were in. That's even better as they have a vintage vibe

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OK OK OK I feel like a catty gossipy person, but I have to just admit it, and try to get answers... is C still around? Was there a breakup? Did I miss something? Am I hallucinating this sense of his absence? I mean OBV none of our business... but I find I am reading your stuff looking for an answer to this lately and while my nosyassness is causing me to open more of your amazing emails, it's not the REASON I should be... so I figure WHY NOT JUST FREAKING ASK

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Merry Christmas from rural Georgia!

Yesterday, while visiting my parents, my mother presented me with an ancient "Better than Bouillon" jar (expiration date: November 2013). I raised an eyebrow at her and she explained that this jar contained some of the ashes of our matriarch, my beloved grandmother (who passed away SEVEN years ago). Apparently she swiped some of them before the bulk of the ashes were spread in the Pacific Ocean as Gram had requested... "Can you help me sprinkle these in the backyard?"

All that to say this -- the "right" place for your mom's ashes will come to you when the time is right.

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Although it wasn't literally a question about placemats, if I handed out free placemats in truck stop diners I would literally have this on mine:

The Greatest Comeback Stories of All Time Begin in Places Like This.

Then there'd be a QR code to this story about truck stop diners that they can read while they eat: https://open.substack.com/pub/wildhoodwanted/p/the-greatest-comeback-stories-of?r=2qffbg&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

PS: Maybe since you have such an aversion to random-colored, haphazard Christmas lights you should look into Gemstone Lights. I don't know if they're in the USA but they're spreading like wildfire here in Canada!

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I have never heard of them but Googling immediately!!!!!

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Merry Christmas Ash <3, Just went back to my hometown while visiting my niece and her new baby. We met everyone at the Portuguese club. From the outside it looks like a prison or window less building. To enter you go down a dark scary set of stairs. Nothing fancy inside. A bar and cheap tables and chairs.

The word got out I was in town and some old friends showed up to "check me out." They tell me I look great but if we're fair we are comparing me to people who never left town, lacking teeth and get drunk at the Portuguese club.

Going home is always a trip.

I was asked what kind of skincare I use, make up, hair products, teething whitening and how I stay so young looking.

hahahahahaha

Going out for Italian food tonight and might have to order Ravioli.

Placemat empire...yes..yes..yes.

"Free Firewood" Chop for charity. All proceeds go to charity. Leave your donation in the box by the tree.

Just a thought.

Happy New Year!

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THAT IS SUCH A GOLDEN IDEA ABOUT THE CHOP FOR CHARITY!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also I'm cracking up about The Portuguese club. Is it really connected to Portugal?! Like the old Italian clubs I've seen around Philly??? Am picturing with joy. 😂

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A lot people that live in my home town are from Portugal. But ya, very similar to Sons of Italy and other nationality clubs.

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My love for you is boundless. Thanks for that sweet ass burst of Christmas magic. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Ash. 😘🎄

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Merry Christmas Ash!!! 🎄

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Merry Christmas Ash! Here's to a Fan-Fucking-Tastic 2024!

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Merry Christmas Ash! May all your dreams be merry and your realities be bright. xo Love, Roberta (ScrubzBody)

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Happy holidays! May they be filled with only the warm lights of Christmas. ps ... There is a wine bar here but it's run by the Crones of the Endless Mts..women only, by invite only. The location changes monthly to protect the innocent.

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ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME?!?!?!?!?! (!!!!!!!!)

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@AshAmbirge, I was going to suggest starting your wine bar/club but this?

THIS, Andrea Wood, is mutha-fuckin-fabulous. I love everything about this. Crones of the Endless Mts. 🤌 Women only. 🤌 By invite only. 🤌 Brilliant.

Re placemats: I can see it. I just can't quite make out what it says yet. Like I forgot my glasses, and I know it says something that's really important, that I need to read. Asking someone else to read it to me won't work. It's not the same. I need to go find my glasses. 🤓 💗

Happy Holidays, all!

P.S. Oh! Separately, I happen to have the ashes of not one, not two, not three, but four pets. I fear I'm inadvertently turning my family room into a columbarium. 😧

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I just finished going thru my mom's estate where I found the ashes of 12 pets and then realized I have become my mother because I also have fast approaching the ashes of 12 pets. I told my son we should build a mausoleum to store them all in like they do in New Orleans. :)

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Melanie, I apologize I didn't see this sooner.

For the record, I think you might be on to something here.

For people like me, who can't let go of their pets so we opt for private cremation and then suddenly realize we have four urns with pet cremains on the shelves in our family room and then start thinking, "Wait. WTF am I doing???" even though we know we'll 100% do it again, this could be a plausible solution.

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We're the same, we just can't help it. With my mothers I couldn't see bringing them all home from Colorado to Alaska so I asked her neighbor of many years if he would bury them all in his wife's flower/tree garden that she spends a lot of time in. He agreed. I did bring one back but I figure it was the Universe advising me to do so. Her oldest cat passed away in June and no one picked up the ashes. Cat's name was Alba. I picked the cat up after mom died and they had engraved the box with Abba instead of Alba which was mom's favorite band LOL. I'm a sucker. Cat sits with Mom on the buffet. Also there is a lady here in Alaska who bought these cabin bird houses. She puts the ashes in the cabins, puts their pictures on the window and they all sit on the shelf. It's actually really cool.

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